I'm writing this because I have to.
Let's just say that for me, caffeine, nerves, and exhaustion don't mix well. Right after work, my sister and I got large frappes from McDonald's. Would've been an excellent choice, 'cept for the fact that I shouldn't have caffeine after, like, 8:00 p.m. or something. I'm also really nervous because tomorrow, I'm going to not only have a therapy session, but right after that, I'm going to tell kids about God. And I'm exhausted because it's 2:00 a.m. and even though I'm really tired, the caffeine won't let me get the sleep I need. Gahhh.
And so caffeine + nerves + exhaustion = anxiety.
Like I said - I'm writing this because I have to. I think I might get sick if I don't have something to concentrate on.
This isn't really a call to courage or a battle cry. This is me being real with you all and telling you that anxiety might get the best of me if I don't write something, and quickly. I honestly have nothing to say except for the fact that I'm really, really scared.
I also smell like a pepperoni pizza, from having worked about a 6 1/2 hour shift tonight at the pizza place. That's certainly doing nothing to help my nausea.
Whenever I feel sick, I always pray that I can feel hunger. 'Cause when you have the stomach flu (which is always what I think I have when I get anxiously nauseous), you don't usually get hungry. At least, not during the throwing up part of the flu. So hunger is a sign of health, for me.
And you know what? I just felt a hunger pang.
It's gonna be okay; it's gonna be alright. I'll get myself a drink of water and go to bed with the hunger as a reminder that I don't have the stomach flu. That I'm not going to throw up.
I'll make it through the night, as long as I can hold onto God's hand. Please, stand with me. Please, hold my other hand. We're going to make it. You and I, we're going to be okay.
We just have to make it through the night.