I work at an adorable pizza place. It's one of those small-town restaurants where the customers are fairly regular, and you pretty much know the tastes of the people who come there. I'm a waitress there, which is super fun, since it means that I get to bounce around, talking to people and smiling a lot and generally being as obnoxiously cheerful as I care to be.
Oh, and I also have to answer phones. That's scary. Anyways.
Last night, as my employer and I were closing up the dining room (there's the dining room where people dine in, or else they can call in for delivery or carry-out), my employer asked me to sweep the floor. So I did.
I went into the backroom and retrieved the broom and dustpan. Then, I began to meticulously sweep off every. single. tile., moving every. single. obstacle. out of the way.
My employer watched in amusement for a couple minutes before taking the broom from me and showing me how I'm supposed to sweep the floor. Instead of being insanely thorough (and insanely slow) like I was, she swept the floor in quick, brisk sweeps. It took her, what, all of five minutes?
I laughed. "Sorry. I was being sort of meticulous."
She laughed, too. "It's okay. You'll learn."
And for some reason, that stuck with me. You'll learn. Because I will. I will learn how to be less of a perfectionist. I will learn to stop letting the little details that go awry make me anxious. I will learn to get rid of this all-or-none attitude.
Right now, it feels like the rough patch I'm going through will last forever. I keep telling myself, "Get over this already!" I keep thinking that recovery (yes, recovery, because I do have real problems) should be so much quicker. Will I be fighting this my whole life?
To some extent, yes, I believe that perfectionism, anxiety, and all that stuff will always try to pop up in my life. But the healthier I become, even now, the more I realize that those psychological demons are fading away, ever so slightly. This is getting better. It's getting better. I can do this, I think.
Just like I'm going to learn how to sweep the floors at the pizza place without being downright perfectionistic about it (ooooh, that's gonna be hard), I will learn how to go through life without seeing it as one big mess to be set perfectly to right. And you will learn how to go through life without letting your baggage weigh you down.
God is going to get us through this, Warrior. He'll make sure that the pain in our lives is recompensed fully. And by "recompensed," I'm talking jewels and mansions and golden streets. :)