I kind of lost it yesterday.
My family was eating lunch together yesterday, and I was feeling especially downtrodden. For the past few years, I've dealt with a certain level of constant sadness. For the most part, there's always an underlying tone of downtroddenness in my heart, always a touch of hopelessness in my spirit. Thankfully, my days have become happier, but I'd say that the majority of my days are still tinged with (if not sometimes drenched in) a sense of inexplicable lostness and/or unidentifiable sorrow.
Yesterday was especially bad. Like I said, I was eating lunch with my family...but unlike most days, when I can pretty much mask my sadness, I just couldn't keep a happy mask on. I was picking at my food, appetite completely gone. The thought of putting anything in my stomach made me sick - not because of an eating disorder, but because when I'm sad, I have literally zero appetite.
I could tell my lack of food was bothering my recovering-from-anorexia sister, but I seriously could hardly put a bite of food in my mouth. I could tell my mood was affecting my mom, but for the life of me, I couldn't put a smile on my face.
But I made it through.
Warrior, you will have days when it's all you can do to get out of bed. You will have days when God feels distant, and pain seems near. You will have days when you will wonder if joy could ever be yours.
But you will also have days when you wake up with a sense of purpose. You will have days when you sing love songs to God, and pain seems like a memory. You will have days when the joy of the Lord is etched onto your heart. But these days will only come if you keep soldiering on.
Take my hand; let's make it through the bad days together.