I tried to hide from God today.
Ashamed of not only how I've been failing in being vulnerable, but also in how messed up my OCD is turning out to be, I tried to distance myself from my Creator by refusing to read His Words and hardly praying at all.
This week, for sort of therapy "homework," I'm supposed to write out a list of who I am, and who I am not. For example, I am a purified saint; I am not a wretched sinner. You get the idea.
Honestly, I feel like writing down, "I am hopeless. I am not given a bright future. I am guilty. I am not forgiven. I am unworthy. I am not made worthy by Him." And so on and so forth...
I feel as though I ought to punish myself for my "badness" by rebuking myself. It seems like the safer route to take.
But since when has Truth been merely safe? Sometimes, it's dangerous, calling me to do things that frankly, I'm not all that comfortable with.
But, no. I'm not going to give into the emotional abuse, the psychological self-harm. I did not come all this way, just to give up. God did not appoint me to Grace, just to want to rid Himself of me. I am not a warrior, just to accept defeat.
I am not worthless.
I am worthful.
Because of Who He Is.
Warrior, tell yourself the Truth. You are not __________; you are __________.
Let's fight this. Together. With Him leading the way.