On a completely different note than the last few entries...
A few days ago, I was rejoicing in the fact that I have finally been finding victory when it comes to understanding my identity. It was a beautiful moment. For awhile.
That was when the devil hit me with a brand new tactic (at least, brand new to me): "Your sisters have gone down broken roads. And you really think you can do better?"
My sisters are beautiful. I love them. I really, really do. But if I'm honest, I'll say that they have made extremely harmful decisions. And so, right as I was exulting in the victories that God has brought about through me, I stopped.
He's right. Do I honestly believe that I won't eventually fall down, too?
And then, despair.
Guys, I'm serious. Never put it past satan to butt into moments of victory and use other people's choices to try to prove to you that you are destined for failure. As if the fact that my sister had anorexia means I'm absolutely, undeniably going to end up losing my own battles! The devil tries to make irrelevant information as threatening as possible.
Anyways, there I was, completely shaken up and devastated. Who do I think I am to declare that I will walk in triumph? Who am I to think that I can stand strongly, when so many people I know - so many of my own friends - are burrowing more and more deeply into their addictions and doubts?
So I stood there and gave the devil a talking to. I beat my fist in the air and said, "satan, I recognize that this is your voice. But let me tell you something: you are not going to use other peoples' failures to convince me I'll fail, too. I refuse to believe that I will give up the fight, just because other people have! You will not use other peoples' faults against me! You will not have the victory in this!"
And then, I reached my hands toward Heaven - toward God - and prayed for endurance and grace and victory.
Warrior, you listen to me. No matter what's going on around you, no matter who has stumbled and fallen, you are capable of triumph. You're capable of it because of Who God Is. Don't let the devil tell you otherwise. We all know he's a liar.