Yesterday was kind of when I faced the music and recognized how controlled I am.
Supposedly, OCD is legitimate if you practice OCD habits for at least an hour every day. Hearing that, I'm like, you're joking! I practice OCD habits ridiculously often!
It's like everything I do is governed by numbers. From the way I walk, to the way I eat, to the way I drink, to the way I look at scenery, to the way I look people in the eyes, to the way I brush my teeth, to the way I trim my fingernails, to the way I listen to music, to the way I pop my knuckles, to the way I do practically everything, I am controlled by numbers! I can't exactly explain how - it'd take up pages and pages, probably.
And I'm not kidding when I say that OCD controls the way I read and write. Again, by numbers. It's impossible to explain - believe me, I've tried explaining it to myself - but I hardly exaggerate when I say that every single moment when I read and write is a constant practice of OCD habits.
I. Am. Controlled.
And I don't know why.
And I want answers.
Because I'm tired of living like this.
I have to go to bed. My head is throbbing because I got hardly any sleep last night. But warriors, I promise you, I'm going to find out why I do this. I'm going to figure out why nearly every portion of my life is controlled. I want answers. I want to fight this.