(Dramatic title, yeah yeah, I know)
Today, I am proud of myself.
I can honestly say that I surprised myself. Even when, at seven o'clock yesterday morning, I logged onto UCAS and saw that "Congratulations!" I couldn't have imagined my grades. I knew that I'd at least gotten my A's to get in, but I am yet to understand how I managed two A* and an A.
It was unexpected, for two reasons. Firstly, I never thought my A would be in RS. I think it might have been me getting complacent, but I felt as if that A* was in the bag, and that I would get an A given the average that would come from my results last year. My Philosophy teacher blanked me a little at results - he clearly thought I'd have gotten higher, and so did I. I suppose that just shows how strange results are, and examiners. Last year, the approach to my exam paper paid off very well, an examiner liked the cocky little madam on the other end of that pen. This year, either I didn't remember as many facts about Wittgenstein's language games as they hoped I would (I personally feel I wrung that subject dry of facts) or the examiner just didn't like the pretention coming from a student and not just the philosopher who wrote the paper. I don't like to dwell on it, I find it ridiculous that I can contemplate feeling bad about it, but I know what I'm like. I try and dampen all of my achievements with the idea that there's another one out there I failed - a straight flush of A*'s is the achievement I'm trying to obsess myself with.
English is hard, oh boy it's hard. And, like Philosophy, it's about the day and the approach. Clearly, I had a good day, because an A* is beyond my wildest dreams - as is getting 98% in my coursework. My English teacher was beaming, and I made squealing noises that I think have yet to be registered on the scale. My first hug of the day came from the headmistress, which was lovely, alongside a whispering "you'll be dazzling", which has stuck in my brain since she said it - I am very sparkly, after all.
The shock was Classics - an A* in Classics. Unbelievable. When my teacher mentioned at parent's evening that, if I tried very hard, I might reach that goal, I half-scoffed and let my mind amble in the shallows of that idea for just a moment before moving on. I left the hall feeling good about that exam, but I never thought it had gone that well. 99% in Virgil - huh? I appreciate him, of course, he's a master, but I never thought that was possible. True, I integrated English literary terms in a Classics paper where it was unnecessary, but where there's polysyndeton, you can't ignore it, right? The same way I blended Classics into my English and spoke about a Virgilian hero in passing comment of the qualities of the Wife of Bath, it was random and I honestly didn't think, until now, that it would have meant much. That was until my teacher told me that the examiners made special mention of me (whoa Nelly) about my paper (which drives me even more insane about how I'll never be able to look at it and find out HOW!)
Today, I enrolled online as a student at the University of York. Today, I bought 32 books from Amazon and a bookmark that looks like a hotdog. I'm on my way.