Today, I had a letter in the mail confirming that I will soon be able to vote. Just another emblem to remind me that, in one week today, I will be 18, a legal adult, grown-up. I've waited for this day for years, to be considered mature even though I've thought myself that for at least three years. The problem is, recently I've been reminded that some people will never accept me as mature or "responsible" (ugh) until I'm in my thirties or so.
I came close to being published recently. As in, the agents were about to slide some contracts across the conference table. It was like a dream, not only was I in London alone after getting lost about five times, I surrounded by lovely people who praised me for my work and treated me as an equal. It was short-lived, however. I was unfortunate enough to run into an editor who had heard of me through colleagues and had decided to bring the dream come crashing down.
"Come back in five years," were his words, and they hurt. Really hurt. Not just because I have waited exactly five years for this moment, when I decided I wanted to be published but was told that until I was 18, copyright protocol would get in the way. Finally, I had started to believe that I deserved this, and then this balding man throws it all in my face. He continued on that he had "concerns" for my age and didn't view me "mature and responsible" enough to work with them. I couldn't believe it - for the love of Goddess I was in a suit dress. I was even called a "little girl", something that, being 6 foot tall and able to pass for twenty since I was sixteen, I haven't been called in a long time. I'd finished school being told that I was a responsible, mature, even eloquent girl who would "flourish" in the work of work and business. The conflicting messages didn't do me good.
In the end, a letter came through that the agency had decided not to represent me due to "various concerns, of which were specified to you". I threw a couple things at the wall, all pretending they were the effigy of Mr Adultist-Editor. So, I'm glad to be turning 18. I'm very glad to have come this far, but I remain irritated by some people in the world who can't look at me for who I am, and not by my biological castes.