Katie's Branch: The Sperm DonorMature

CHOICE A. RON AND RITA. Dick chooses Door A. Behind it stand RON and RITA: younger and, let’s face it, hotter than Dick and Dawn. They carry an upscale reusable grocery bag. RON AND RITA Dickie! Dawnie! DICK Rita... DAWN Ron. You two are early. RON You never know with the crosstown. Could be 20 minutes early or two hours late. Dick nods. The men bond over this truth. RITA You look beautiful, Dawnie. DAWN Cut the shit. RITA (shrugs) Your party. DICK (fake-jocular) Ladies, ladies... RON produces a gift box from the grocery bag. RON We brought you something. [] RON hands Dawn a white box with an expensive-looking ribbon. Dawn pulls the ribbon, eyeing Rita with suspicion the entire time. Dawn lifts the lid. The box is filled with soil. She reaches in, and pulls out a hatchet*.
*possible branching point, if audience gets to pre-select the gift Dawn stares at it, no comment. DICK Wow. That’s. [] RITA This really needed to be done. DICK (warmly now) This is beautiful. RON We thought maybe we could take it out to your backyard-- DAWN You know we don’t have a backyard. RON Well-- DAWN We have a cement pit and a fence. RITA But you have flower boxes. That’s what we meant. RON That’s what I meant. DAWN You’re not digging up my flowers. RITA No, we didn’t [mean--] DAWN What kind of fucking present is that? Come here and rip out my impatiens so we can have a big Symbolic Act. RITA Dawn. You’re doing it again. DAWN You’re early. DICK I think Dawn needs to take a nap. DAWN I do not need to take a nap, you condes[cending]-- DICK I think Dawn is drunk. DAWN I think Dick is a dickhead. RON I bet Dick would like to be drunk. We also brought-- He produces a bottle of wine, fancy label, from the grocery bag. He goes to put it on the table, where allll the other wine is. Awkwardly, he finds a spot for it. RON (CONT’D) It’s a good year. (beat- he grabs a wine key) Should I--? [] RITA Why can’t you have any, Dick? DAWN He knows what he did. Beat. DICK I can’t have any. Dawn nods. RITA All right... guess you’re being a good boy. Dawn shoots them both eye-daggers. Ron opens the bottle of wine they brought. Pours for Rita, then himself. He eyes Dawn, hesitating before pouring a small glass for her. DAWN For real? RON continues pouring. Her glass is now quite full. All (but Dick) drink. Dawn holds the hatchet at her side like a dead weight. Silence. Dick fidgets, nothing in his hands. DICK Did you know that in Australia it’s already tomorrow? DAWN I’m going to go wash my face. DICK No-! Staring calmly at him: DAWN Fuck. You. Thud! She thwacks the hatchet into the wall. Exits. Lights SHIFT-- AUDIENCE CHOICE 2: Do you want to know what happened

The End

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