Just a quick ranting about my writer block. TOTAL pain. *cough* I would swear, but I know Protag would kick me out for that. So... enjoy!
I hate writers block. Is like my voice, my only form of outlet was taken away from me. The thing that was keeping me sane during so many low moments of my life just gone without any reasoning. All of the emotions just keep expanding and expanding and expanding in my soul, until I find it difficult to breathe. And my only weapon against that doesn't want to come back to me.
From writing few lyrics a week, I went again to barely writing one lyric a week. Nothing I write I am happy with recently. You know the feeling when you just want to write, but no matter how hard you think, nothing comes out from under your fingers? Is like if you would visit your creativity land and was welcomed by horrifying darkness, clenching in its devil claws everything that you hold dear. That relief when I could just scream at the world, at people with words.
I actually wanted to quit writing for just few weeks, to see if my creativity will welcome me back with its caring hands and a smile. I though I needed that break because… writing became frustrating when nothing good, in my opinion, was coming out from me.
The most scary thought for me ever is to loose the connection of my soul, emotions with my writing. I… I don't even want to think about that. Is everything I have sometimes. See, even my life could be falling to pieces, but I was always able to write about it. Now, I had few things happening that the emotions were just perfect to write a powerful piece and literally nothing was coming to my head. Or anything I wrote I was deleting straight away. It was just not good enough for the emotions felt.
I am currently trying to do different creative projects. Like I edit films, pictures and stuff like that, anything creative I can do. Just to keep myself busy. But nothing, absolutely nothing, can be compared to writing. It was, is and will be my biggest passion.
It might sound pathetic, but I just miss listening to music and random ideas for lyrics, videos, pictures just hitting me. It was a wonderful feeling, that rush of something I cannot even describe, that excitement that I can do something! It is like drug to be honest. And now I listen to music and nothing.
It honestly feels like my creativity, for some reason now, is just blinded in chains and cannot stand up by itself. I just can reuse ideas for now.
I just want my drug back, that is all.