i am a paradoxMature

i am a paradox

i am a perfectionist of the worst sort.
if i do one thing wrong, then i believe i'm a failure at everything.
the worst part is...i don't always see how irrational i'm being.
i hate seeing everything i black and white.
i hate being a perfectionist.
so i'll try not to be a perfectionist.
the paradoxical part: i have to be perfect in not being a perfectionist. 
if i do something wrong, i beat myself up.
and then i beat myself up for beating myself up.
and then i wonder why i bothered trying to change in the first place.
it's times like these that i have to remember...
God doesn't expect me to be perfect...
so why should i expect me to be perfect?
it's great to have high standards, but not impossible standards.
i hate being a perfectionist.
i hate being a paradox. 

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