It's my thoughts. It may be random, I may stretch the point but I feel my fingers release the thoughts flying around in my head.
Am I in love? Or have I got swept up in teenage emotions and carried on with what I expected love to be like?
Love is nothing like what I have seen on TV. The early days were, yes. The honeymoon period. But what is love after the honeymoon? Is it that you just become the very best of friends with the very best of benefits? Or in order to survive, mut both people continue with romantic gestures? And what if only one does?
I got with my partner very young. Pretty much, straight out of school. And while I have seen friends get boyfriends and relationships sour, my relationship has stayed true. No cheating, no swearing at each other, just impatience at life.
We live in a council flat, and with the economy as it is, we may not be able to get a down payment on a house. He is happy buying the place we live in and then renting it out. By the time we will be able to rent it out, he will be nearly thirty. And then to top it off, we'll need to be able to afford a new place to move into?!
I juist thought (naively) when I was eighteen and freshly moved in, we would build up our careers, build up that ever impossible down payment, have fun with our friends and with each other, get married and have kids. And all before we were in our late twenties. I have talked and talked about this but I just don't get anywhere. My partner is happy with how it is at the minute. He has a good career, he goes away for a week at a time every few months, and goes out boarding with the guys once every week. And what do I do? Get pushed around pillar to post job-wise, so I never have spare cash to go do things I would enjoy, stuck permanently in the flat with no prospect of our future together moving any nearer.
So? Am I one of those negative women who have it all but just complain? Or do I have cause to voice my complaints? I am deeply in love, I don't regret being with him, I don't mind him being the only guy I'll sleep with and I trust him 100% as he does with me.
When he's away, I get a call everynight. I get butterflies when he's coming home.
So why am I still restless?