Clean

OCD can be terrible for sufferers, especially if they have a panic attack induced by it. These were my thoughts when I had one. The thought of clean was all I had, and I kept scrubbing my skin when it hurt, bled.

Scrubbing skin. Gotta get it off. Why won't it come off? Got to be clean clean clean. Must be clean. Please. Scrub. So dirty. Why won't it come clean? Must come off. Must scrub clean. Must come clean. Scrubbing skin, crying. Clean. Clean. Clean. Sore skin. Must be clean. Why won't it come off?! Crying harder. Skin ripping. Clean. Please. Clean. Clean. Clean. Must come clean. Get it off! Bleeding starts. More dirt! Must be clean. Crying more. Breathing faster. Come clean. Scratching into skin. It hurts. Clean. Clean. Clean. Breath accelerates. Can't breath. Clean. Breath. Clean. Hyperventilating. "You need to slow down your breathing. Calm down, just try taking deep breaths. Calm down" Clean. Clean. Must come clean. Hugged. No. Need clean. Don't touch me. Clean. Clean. Clean. Please. Please. "You're going to pass out if you don't slow your breathing." Can't breath. Hands held. Can't pull them away to clean. "Look at me. Breathe deeply. Slow down. Calm down." Slowing. Less crying. But I need clean. "No, you're fine. You're clean. It's all off." Yeah, clean. Alright. Skin irritates and bleeds gently.

The End

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