ByteMeMature

An on-going comedic look at life in Technology in the business world. There are many stories, characters, situations and tales to be told about working in Technology as told from the view of a Support person. The goal is to take a focused look into the daily life supporting with non-tech savvy users while dealing with over-techy Tech Heads who could care less about users or the business.

 

"BOOT CAMP"

CLOSE UP SHOT OF THE EYES OF DAN ROBINSON SETTLED RESTLESSLY BEHIND THE BARS OF A FULL FACE MASK OF A FOOTBALL HELMET.  

HIS EYES FLUTTER BACK AND FORWARD AS HE TRIES TO FOCUS ON THE TASK BEFORE HIM.  BEADS OF SWEAT CAN BE SEEN TRICKLING DOWN THE SIDES OF HIS FACE.  

ALL HE HEARS IS HIS OWN BREATH AND THE POUNDING OF HIS HEART AS HE ANXIOUSLY AWAITS THE TASK BEFORE HIM.  KILLING THE ENEMY. 

AS THE SOUNDS OF HIS OWN BODY BEGINS TO FADE, IT IS FILLED WITH MORE HORRIFYING SOUNDS.  THE SOUNDS OF A MOB SCREAMING FOR BLOOD.  WITHOUT WARNING A HAND GRABS HIS FACE MASK AND YANKS HIS HEAD INTO THE MOST ICE BLUE EYES HE IS SURE ORIGINATED FROM THE HOTTEST LOCATION IN HELL. THIS SNAPS HIM OUT OF ANY INDEPENDENT THOUGHT HE MAY HAVE HAD ABOUT THE TASK BEFORE HIM.

 

DRILL INSTRUCTOR BARNES

"You're up next Robinson! What makes the grass grow?"

 

RECRUIT ROBINSON

"Blood makes the grass grow Sir!"

 

DRILL INSTRUCTOR BARNES

"What do Marines do?"

 

RECRUIT ROBINSON

"Kill! Kill! Kill!"

 

DRILL INSTRUCTOR BARNES

"Don't screw this up Robot or I'll dig you from the swamps of Parris Island to sewers of Beijing and back! You hear me moron?"

 

RECRUIT ROBINSON

"Sir, Yes Sir!"

 

The hand releases as the D.I. backs away opening the hole into the wooded path before Recruit Robinson.  In the background a whistle blows and the mob quiets. 

 

REFEREE

"EYEBALLS!"

 

The crowd erupts in celebration. Dan's eyes lock onto the referee; hands tighten around the shaft of what we can now see is a Pugle Stick, today's weapon of choice simulating his standard Marine Corps issued M-16A2 Service Rifle with a fixed bayonet.

 

REFEREE

"Blue Team.... Ready?!"

 

A yell from the depths of the woods erupts as Dan nervously nods in acknowledgement.

 

REFEREE

"Read Team.... Ready?"

 

Dan digs deep to conjure up an intimidating roar.  What emerges is more of a pre-pubescent sounding yelp as he fights to suppress his nervousness for what will happen if he loses this fight.

 

RECRUIT ROBINSON

"Aaaaaaarrrrrrggggghhhh!"

 

With that, a whistle blows and Dan is off running into the wooded path.  With each step winding its way through the trail towards the Pit.  He no longer hears his heart, but feels it exploding in his chest.  He feels propelled forward by an unknown force because his rational mind is convinced that no "sane" person would run blindly into a situation that brings you face to face with someone who wants to rip your head off.

 

RECRUIT ROBINSON

"Aaaaaaarrrrrrggggghhhh!"

 

He rounds the last tree and comes square with the camouflage covered pit at exactly the same time as his enemy from the other side.  He barrels forward down the small strait-a-way trying to locate the eyes of his fellow combatant. His fear is now replaced with a rage and desire to attack.

He charges the pit's entrance at full speed when violently he is immediately brought to a screeching halt by the pugle stick.  He held it   too low and as he intersected the pit's wall each end of the stick hit the wall.

Like a wet towel thrown over a shower rail, his body is folded and tossed over the stick into the ring and on his back.  To add insult to injury his foe is on him in a flash and driving the "killing Blow" right into Dan's solar-plexus taking what little breath he had away from him.

The mob silences as moans of sympathy fills the air. Dan's head falls back against the sand as his eyes fill with the Carolina blue skies through the camo covering above. He closes his eyes plunging his mind into darkness. Part in pain, part in complete embarrassment but mostly because he can hear the combat boots of his drill Instructor approaching ready to commence with the ass-chewin.

 

DRILL INSTRUCTOR BARNES

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?!?""Are you freakin kidding me?" "Why are you so stupid?""Why are you just laying there like a modern day, grabtastic, circle-jerk loving circus freak?" "Of all the stupid things to do, you had to pull something like this!" "I Don't have all delightful day to wait for you to get your act together!""Once, just once I would like it if you new age idiots...."

 

THE D.I.'S VOICE BEGINS TO TRANSITION AND IS REPLACED BY A LESS VULGAR TONGUE THRASHING, BUT EQUALLY AS HUMILIATING.

 

TOM TAYLOR

"....could figure out how to keep this crap from breaking every other day!" "I've got clients waiting for me to get them the information they want and all you freaks can do is give me this to work with!"

 

SHOT RETURNS TO AN OLDER DAN'S CLOSED EYES.  AS HE OPENS THEM TO THE SOUND OF SOMEONE EXTREMELY PISSED ABOUT SOMETHING GONE WRONG.  DAN IS NOW OBVIOUSLY UNDER A DESK, FACE TO FACE WITH THE ASS-END OF A WORKSTATION WITH HIS FINGER ON THE POWER BUTTON.

 

TOM TAYLOR

 "I SAID... How long is this going to take?"  I have a client who needs a price to decide on a trade." "For God's sake you guys are worthless!"  "This trade is worth more than you and your family!"

Tom Taylor was generally a great guy. He was one of those guys who all throughout his school years was supplementing the income or education of every Jock, Boarder or straight up bully just to survive.  This was the guy with the small frame and a freakish love for mathematics.

Now that Tom had landed a job dancing with numbers in the Financial Industry, he began to find his power over others.  Money.  He made it, created it from nothing and generally was one of the "Golden Boys" on the trading floor.  His main fault was that he was also a complete spaz when things went wrong.

At any moment Dan expected Tom to pull out his inhaler and juice up on something to help him from hyperventilating.  Instead, Tom was loosing control by berating Dan as the representative of the entire IT department.  Dan never had an issue with Tom but this was making Dan's temperature rise.

Part of Dan wanted to hit Tom right in the mouth.  But he wouldn't allow himself to go there.  Partially due to the guilt that yes, "his" technology has failed, and yes, the Firm's business was being impacted.  At the same time he was growing increasingly impatient with the verbal abuse from someone who would never rate to speak to him that way.  Unlike the only people in Dan's life who could:  His Mother, Father and Drill Instructor. 

Dan decided something needed to be done.  He takes a deep breath and begins to push out from under the desk and rise to his feet.

 

TOM TAYLOR

 "Well?" (beat) "Well?!"

 

DAN ROBINSON

"Well, we can do this one of two ways." "You can either go away, have a smoke, get some coffee and come back in 10 minutes while I do my job" (beat) "or, I can stand right here and let you tell me to my face how fucked up IT is."  If you choose the latter, I'll listen to everything you have to say but your shit will still be broken." "Your choice."

In a huff, Tom storms off.  Dan takes another breath, reaches for the intercom and calls in the troops.

The End

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