Lies To Myself

My mother told me to start keeping a journal at the age of nine and to write in it every day. She used to tell me that I was going to be "the next Stephen King" and that one day I could use my journals to write my autobiography when I'm 80 and dont need the money coming in from my books any more...

Great mother I hear you say, to encourage her daughters 'talent' in this way.

then when I was 17 just before she threw me out she and my step-dad destroyed all of my journals, all of my notebooks, all of the essays I had written, ever.

So i stopped writing for a while.  until I was 21 and a half to be exact.  Thats when I met my muse, had the passion ignited in me again and picked up a pen and put it to paper for the first time in what felt like a lifetime.

Now I write again regularly but when I read my journal I find myself asking who wrote that? I have kept things bottle up inside me for so long that I cant even admit to myself, in my journal that no one else will ever read what I actually think and feel.

So I have made a pact with myself that even if it hurts, to write it down anyway.  i can always feel differently later, but the important thing is, i can never change the way i felt and thats whats important here.

That and being true to my self.

p.s i also set myself the task of recalling and doing my best to re-write as many of the lost stories as i can.  The first of these is "An Act Of Friendship" for anyone who is interested.

The End

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