A baby having a baby, that's what we had. All of my talks, all of my caution, all of my lectures and, what did we have.. A pregnant 15 year old. My 15 year old.
Saying I was angry.. well, that would have been the understatement of the year. I was livid. I paced back and forth, pointing my finger, talking not just to her but, to heaven, to hell, to anyone that could hear. I threw questions at her, never giving her a chance to reply. I wasn't really looking for answers, I needed to get across to her how her life was ruined, how the responsibility of a lifetime had just been dropped in her lap.. And I heard:
"But mom, you had me when you were only 17."
I snapped my head around, finally looking at my daughter, finally seeing what I couldn't through my anger.. fear, pain, loneliness.. I stood for a moment.. filling the kettle I set water for hot chocolate then, I sat across from my daughter.. I looked into the deep brown eyes and sighed.
"Yes I did, and I don't regret it, I never have but, I didn't want that for you.. I wanted you to enjoy the things I never did, like, your prom, I wanted you to just enjoy being a child.. enjoy getting up and going at a moments notice, I wanted you to go to college, experience other things before such a grand responsibility.."
She took my hand then...
"Mom, I know what you wanted for me and, you have done all you can to insure my future, I have made a mistake, I do have choices.."
"And have you thought about them?"
"Yes, I have had a great teacher, I plan to follow in her shoes, you had me, you took care of me, you have always made sure I had everything I've needed, you've always been there.. and, I plan to be the same way.."
She squeezed my hand.. "Don't ever feel that it was your fault, if I am half the mother you have been, my child will be proud.. all I want now is what I already have... my mom.."
Right there, I knew everything in my world was ok.. we would have hard times but, we would work through them and hey, I was going to be a grandmother..