Angerage - A monologueMature

If I don't write this here, I'm going to say it out loud and that would be bad. Very bad.

Boy is standing at a podium. He peers out past the stage into the pool of darkness.

Flood lights coat his body, illumination for the astronauts to hear him speak.

"I know you. I know who you are. I know what you do, what you say, what you think, why you think it. I know you even better than you know you.

I know what you're doing here. I know what you're telling me, what you're saying beneath these words of hate.

I know exactly what you are trying to accomplish.

You are not nice.

You are not kind.

You are a poor, souless, vapid, indescriminate speck of wasted mass that pollutes the souls and corrupts minds.

You are an illness that seeks to breed and infect, destroy and manipulate to something that you can handle.

Nothing you do is for anyone else but your perverted sense of self.

You walk the walk, do the acts, and talk a talk that negates everything you try to do.

At one time, one of the greatest times of my life, we were friends. We laughed together, we played together, we lived together. We rocked together, we talked together, and we shared almost everything together.

Not a person didn't know that we were the best friends that anyone could ever have.

Then one day I found out that you were talking shit behind my back.

It was then that I questioned your allegiance, but I brushed it off. My best friend, the one I trust the most in the world when all others have gone, would NEVER violate my trust. That person would NEVER bash me, berate me to my friends, and attempt to discredit everything I have ever done, will ever plan to do, or any potential situation that might cross my path.

That was one day that has long since passed.

That was a day, a time, where I didn't have to wonder what people around me were saying about me. What people thought about me. It was a time I valued and trusted the people around me.

And this is were I'm at once. A rocky year or two of depression gone since, a time where I needed a friend and you consistently violated my trust and brought me suffering when I needed relief the most.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not mad at you for that.

Oh no. The thing that has come to piss me off the most is how hard you are trying right now, at this time, in THIS moment.

You must be either a manipulative bastard who isn't fit to speak to another living soul, or the most retarded person on the face of the earth because there is not a person on the planet, save those two qualifiers, that would willingly commit such heinous acts against friendship and sociality.

Everything I do, everything I say, is wrong.

Everything I think, everything I've ever created is dumb.

Everything I aspire to, everything I desire is the most ridiculous thing in your eyes.

You take things, you distort their thought, and no matter how hard it is to do, you make it the most pitiful piece of shit that you can manage.

You will take a paper I've written, a college I think about, a point of view on philosophy and tell me that It's the single dumbest thing that man has ever said. You will state, and not to me, but to the PEOPLE I admire, that I am nothing more than a moron who holds all the traits of a deplorable person. You try and remove all credibility that anyone would have in me, telling them that I am a pervert, telling them that I can't play an instrument, telling them that I'm a self centered narcissist who doesn't give a flying fuck what another person is doing and that at the drop of a hat I will turn on that mother fucker JUST to ease my burden a little.

You will tell any soul who has a connection to me a "secret" that I may or may not have told you years ago, a "secret" that is embarrassing or complicates my life. You will seek out those that I desire love from and destroy my image in their eyes. That way, I cannot get what I want.

You wait for the moment, you strike at the moment, and you riddle it with insults.

Because you are insecure with yourself, you must create such insecurities in others because god forbid someone else doesn't have to suffer the way you do.

But you don't stop there.

You don't stop when all my moral is decreased, you won't stop when I question everything I think and do.

You want to show dominance in that state. What matters more to you is that you are better at what ever it is than me.

No, not everyone else. You don't give a fuck about anyone else when it comes to just showing me that you are better. You are the good one. You have no issues, you are the determined one. You are the one who is smarter, better, prettier, more appealing, better person, more talented and all around more valuable person.

Perhaps what's worse than that is that you don't point this aggression surrounding me at me alone.

You seek out my friends, taking anything I've done, fabricated a fault to it, and say, and I quote, "Oh my god. Look at this bullshit. It doesn't answer the prompt. How the hell did he come up with this?" and you'll turn to me and say "Do you even know what the word Dramatic means?" and you'll laugh and try to get an agreement from who ever the fuck your sitting next to.

Or working with a project between the two of us, (and I should point out that every fucking time it's available, you will find me, make sure I work with you instantly, and choose to berate me.) you will sit there and let me answer the whole issue. God help you you think of something on your own, do something original, and not just fucking steal my ideas. No. The second that I tell you something, you point out fallices or discredit any success I've got. Be it you tell me that It's the single most ridiculous excuse for an answers you've heard, or it's, "That was the single most ridiculous line of bullshit with such elevated vocabulary that I've ever heard. Who the hell are you trying to be, Pierre?" (Pierre is a mutual acquaintance I've been friends with most my life that has a very sophisticated vocabulary).

You are nothing but an asshole.

I've forgiven you for telling everyone I'm a lazy asshole who tries to steal credit for work YOU'VE done, despite organizing and doing the entire project myself. I've forgiven you for the time you told me I should go kill myself, and when I told people what you'd said you ran around to make sure they understood I was too dumb to realize you were being sarcastic.

I've forgive you for the relationships you've tried to ruin, for the lies and outright fabrications you have spread through our peers.

But after such an extended period of forgiveness, I've learned to brush you off. I have learned to forgive, forget, and make sure you get no closer to me than two arms lengths.

I'm sure that pisses you off.

Would you like to know how I know?

You seem to have 'upped your game' if you will.

Now, I ignore what you say, refuse to talk to you for more than a moment so that now everything you say is destructive in nature. Everything you do is absolutely repulsive in thought. What was a single mouse has become scores of Rats in the Walls. You are increasing the intensity and volume of your slander, and I refuse to take it anymore.

You have lost a friend that would have been loyal to you till the day we died. Someone you could have counted on at any moment to drive out to you to take care of any problem you.

You have lost a someone who once cared deeply, and now cares naught.

I fear now that you are spreading to another, one that is a very dear friend to me. Someone that will be very easy to hurt.

I can guarantee you this:

If you hurt him as badly as you've hurt me. Making him lose as much faith in humanity as I have...

I know you. I know who you are. I know what you do, what you say, what you think, why you think it. I know you even better than you know you.

and I know what it would take to destroy you."

The End

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