An Interview With God and the Devil

This is for mostly humorous purposes, don't get offended.

I'd like to say, first off, that this shouldn't be taken seriously enough to be offensive.  I don't mean to call anyone's religion into question or poke fun at what you believe.  It's just something I felt like writing, and it is kind of philosophical.  I don't believe the things I'm writing, not specifically.  It's just something to think about.

Me:   It’s nice to have you two in here today.  Something of a big deal, I suppose, having God and the Devil both here at the same time. 

God:  It’s good to be here, thanks for having me.

Satan:  Likewise, you don’t get to talk about everything with The Maker often, do you?

Everyone laughs

Me:  Alright, I’d like to get started with just a simple question.  To Satan, were you kicked out, or did you leave of your own accordance?

Satan: (chuckles) Well, it’s a bit of a mystery isn’t it.  I know most people think that I did in fact get kicked out of heaven, but it wasn’t so (God chuckles here).  It’s a free place, you know.  You come and go.  I obviously had different views than God here, and so I just left.  Now, “Heaven” and “Hell” here aren’t exactly as pictured by humans.  I mean, we don’t even call them that.  Hell didn’t even exist until I decided to leave, and more than a few spirits came with me.  It’s not some underdog reform story, or an evil doer is kicked out story.  It’s just a difference of views story.  Think early America.  We left because we thought different, but God didn’t come barging in like England so it takes away from the “America as the underdog” thing.

Me:  Alright, this one is open to both of you.  How about the entire “Heaven versus Hell” dichotomy?

God:  I’ll jump in here first, and say that in all honesty there isn’t a race for souls.  When they die it’s a choice really, you know.  Being a Christian or being a Satanist in human life won’t decide it.  It’s a spirit thing, after death.

Satan:  Yeah, I’m not sitting in a lake of fire, scheming to make you sin.  I’ll admit, I’d urge you to have fun and all, and God thinks with some morals.  But I’m not some evil “kill people, have sex, do drugs” kind of spirit either.  And like God said, it’s after death that matters.  As a human you can’t really comprehend the decisions you’ll be making.  I’d also like to say, that there aren’t just two places.  Spirits move about freely, there are plenty of places that have been pioneered.  Always new things to take in.

Me:  So, purgatory.  Real, fake, inaccurate representation of something?

God:  It’s kind of real, I suppose.  I mean, I won’t say you’re just floating in space because you weren’t wrong but you weren’t right.  It’s not what it seems.  Kind of like a hotel, you stay there until you know where you’re going.  It’s a place to make the decision. 

Me:  Now, the decision.  Between where you want to go.  Is it a stay there forever, or can you move about from place to place?  Heaven to Hell, as it were.

Satan:  It’s a lot like your world, if you don’t like this place no hard feelings you can leave.  It depends on who is in the upper class to tell if you can come back though.  Some places are pretty exclusive and others are just kind of free-for-all’s.

Me:  Alright, so demons and angels.  I’ve heard you calling them spirits.  So does that mean everyone is the same up there?

God:  Really, for the most part, everyone is.  I mean, on Earth you try the “unique” thing out.  It never really works.  It’s better here, thinking differently, because now you get a lot more understanding. There are expressly evil people, just like on Earth.  But no, angels and demons aren’t real.

The End

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