I've spent years hating everyone around me just so I don't have to hate myself.
And now it's time to face myself.
Charlie, 11, waste of time. Didn't want to waste a first kiss on a popular kid, right about that.
Joel, 12, heartbreaker. I cried a lot but it was childish, Charlie didn't want us going out so we didn't.
Will Tom Will Tom, 12, stupid. Constantly flipped between the two, best friends, games of spin the bottle.
Dan, 13, thought it was love. I was 13 and he was 21, he made me feel safe, comfortable, loved.
Rory, 14, lonely. His girlfriend had broken up with him, I went back two or three times, I told Dan, both ended.
John, 14, unhappy. I just wanted to be free from the memory of Dan, and myself, I guess that's when it started.
Ash, 15/16, endless. I don't even remember the relationship, I cheated on him but he would've carried on, I didn't want to.
Claire, 16, broken. Her family.. it was all so complicated and I was never good enough to her, I never knew what to do.
Gareth, 16/17, fighting. I don't know what we were fighting for much of the time but we were both hurting and he was falling apart, I thought I could fix him, I only made him worse.
Epsilon, 17, sex. He offered me something I thought I wanted and I grabbed for it and he was married, it wasn't real sex, barely.
Florian, 17, nothing. Conversations and stupidity until I passed him onto someone I thought he would be good for and he turned out to be a jackass.
Aero, 17, weird. Thought we would get together, got upset when we wouldn't, tried to talk me into sex chatting on the internet or something.
Nathan, 17, sex. Did talk me into sex chatting on the internet, ad sex on camera, and toys, and incest being okay.
Sam, 17, he thought it was love. We had sex a few times but it never really meant anything to me, not that I remember anyway, I know I didn't really know what to do and the sex was damn good.
Will, 17/18, love? We were together for a year, he still says he isn't giving up, he told me he would never change and I tell myself the relationship hurt me... it did didn't it?
I don't know what's real about all those people, I don't know how much I've twisted, how much has become lies.. they all trusted me (except the first two) they all.. thought I meant something to them..