Since that Sunday morning early in October, I've hardly gone a day without talking to you. It's still amazing to think that a stranger could come to mean so much in such a short time. I told you more about myself in a few weeks then I'd ever told anyone else - they all had to learn the hard way.
Our friendship grew in just a few short days, and I knew that you liked me. I couldn't admit it to even myself, but I was starting to like you too, and I hated myself for it. I learned from my sister's mistakes: cheat once and you're done. It was my deepest fear then that I would become a hypocrite, that I wouldn't be able to stop myself.
I was torn about it, and I irritated all my friends, asking for advice... "I'm gonna do it." "I can't do it... It'll make me a terrible person." "I'm a terrible person if I don't do this, right?" Finally, it came down to one simple question.
The boy I was seeing, he sensed I was pulling away. We both knew we weren't going anywhere, but it wasn't until he felt he was losing me that he realized he cared more than he had known. But one day, he asked me anyway, "Do you still want to be with me?"
I have always prided myself on being totally honest with questions like these, and so I felt it was my duty to answer him honestly, too. That answer was no. He was sad, and I was sorry to hurt him, but there were no hard feelings, and in the end we were both better off. It was a quiet ending to a relatively short story, and that was all there was to it.
So while my feelings for you were developing, and we continued to grow close, I decided that, even though I liked you, what I needed most was to take a step back from relationships for a while. I didn't want to jump into anything so soon, and you understood that and felt the same way.
We would stay friends for the time being and get to know each other even more. That was the agreement. But every conversation we had, every time I even went near you, I was drawn in a little bit more. What I was feeling was far from love, but I also knew that I couldn't go more than an hour or two without thinking about you.