I just want to write!
"I'll be out in a little while. I want to eat my breakfast. Look at my hair! I can't go out like this. I'm going to eat. I'll be right there...."
I want to write! It's Saturday morning and I have no appointments. I want to write! I've sent the kids out to play basketball, which I would love to join them in....
"No, I won't get you Grandpa's tools so you can lower the net. Get them yourself!"
Aaahhh, writing. It's been a life long dream. As a single parent with five children, it still is a dream. Mostly. But perhaps I can squeak out a little something for this site called Protagonize. Someone will comment and that will make it all worthwhile. It's thrilling to know someone out there is reading the words I've written!
One day I want to write a book. I have so much to share! But for right now, just a little story.
Where do I begin? My childhood? "Nobody likes me." My teen years? Ooooooohhhhh boy.... My early adulthood? Pain and Glory. My middle adulthood? I can't imagine anything better than the days I live now. Okay, I can. But I know it's just around the corner.
The one common thread of my life has been the desire to write. I wrote poems as a child and only shared them with one friend. Where are those poems now? I wrote angry and painful lyrics as a teenager, sprinkled with a little passion and sweet, sweet love. I do have some of that writing still, but there is one poem in particular that I would give my right arm to find. One of those "I didn't write that" - truly inspired pieces.
Then I didn't write for years. Over 10 years. Nothing. It's funny how spending too much time with nasty people can influence one's creativity like that.
Eventually, in the depths of despair, and I must add, under The Night Sky, out came a vicious, biting piece of poetry. Then came another. And another. I spilled years of depression, loneliness, anger, and seething pain. And it felt... so... damn... good.
I very nervously shared these few writings with a dear friend, one who spills his own fair share of pain in fantastic songs he writes. He really liked them! I was embarassed and elated.
I started to tentatively share my writing with more people. I went through many positive life changes and challenges in a relatively short time and wrote my whole way through it. I'm glad to say as my life dramatically evolved into a much more peaceful, fulfilling state, my writing has too.
And here I am today... writing morning pages every day and the occasional blurb on Protagonize, thanks to my eldest son, aryst0krat.