The Thing in Pink ShortsMature

The wind was noticeable that day.

My buddy had to get some stuff out of his storage unit. I was waiting in my car.

He seemed to be having some trouble. Maybe I should've helped him out.

But I didn't.

I just sat in my car. I watched as he climbed over broken tables and totes to get to the farthest region of his tiny little space. It was similar to watching a cat bury its shit, but in this case, he was trying to retrieve his shit.

My car was off to conserve energy. There was no music, no sound. The sounds of nature were all that settled in my ears. It was nice, in a sense. Just listening to the sound of trees shake and the wind pounding against anything in its way.

For whatever reason, I decided to turn my head to the left, and I see it. The Thing.

The Thing in Pink Shorts.

She was just walking around, scanning the little fir trees that lined the area. She wasn't too tall, wasn't too short. Her skin was white, with a golden hue. Her hair was tied up in a bun, like a little cinnamon roll on her head. Her body slender, her movements steady, nothing about her stood out aside of her solitude.

Except her pink shorts.

On top, was a dull, gray shirt. It covered her torso nicely, as any shirt should. That's the boring part. The fun part was down bottom. Bubblegum pink. Valentine pink. So pink that any other pink would stare and comment on how pink they were. A pink that poked at the sense of the pupils. A pink that boiled into the mind with ease. Despite what little there was, the little pink shorts had me mesmerized.

I stare. I stare. I stare. Still staring. Still staring. Still staring. Check on my buddy. Not dead. Look back. Still staring. Still staring. Still staring.

Did the fun end there? It wouldn't be a story worth sharing if so.

The Thing in Pink Shorts frolicked around the trees. Every so often, she would pick at a branch, bring her fingers to her nose, then put them in her mouth. She keeps going, inspecting every other branch. Touching, smelling, engulfing. Over and over and over.
I was witnessing an individual in bright pink shorts eat shit off the branches of fir trees. Ace Ventura's daughter? Tarzan's sister? Drug addict?

I wanted to scream. I wanted to know what the hell they were doing. My curiosity couldn't contain itself. It needed to know. I needed to know. What would possess this person to go around and eat shit off of fir trees outside of a storage facility?

"Hey!" I screamed. The pink shorts flash as the girl turned toward me. Out of the corner of my eye, I see my buddy turned toward me, too. "What are you doing?"

"Eating," she responded casually, as if this was something to be casual about.

"But... you're eating stuff off the trees!"

"Yeah?" The Thing poked at another branch and gulps up a hairy looking critter.

"O-okay," I almost say to myself. The pink shorts turn back as the Thing gives me one last confused glance.

I stare. I stare. I stare. Still staring. Still staring. Still staring. Check on my buddy. He's trapped in his storage space. He'll get out. Look back. Still staring.

She began to lick the trees.

"Hey! Hey!" I screamed at her. "What are you doing?"

"Licking," she responded casually, as if this was something to be casual about.

"But... you're licking the trees!"

"Yeah?" The Thing looked at me like I was insane. I did the same.

"Why are you licking the trees? Why are you eating stuff off of the trees? Is that sanitary?"

"Sanitary?"

"Sanitary! Clean! Not dirty! Pure! White! Without filth! Devoid of muck! Not completely disgusting!"

"I get it! God, you're too loud."

I wait. And wait. And wait. She stared at me. I stared at her. We don't say anything.

"Well?!" I finally yell.

"Well, what?" She crosses her arms as she glared at me.

"Why?! Why are you doing all of this?! What are you doing?!"

"Because you're bored!"

"Beca- What?"

I blinked and she was gone. I looked around, all around. My buddy was just shutting the door to his storage space and walking back to my car. He noticed my stunned expression and mirrored it.

"What?"

"What?"

"You look confused."

"I am confused."

"Why?"

"Because I'm not sure what's real anymore."

"Oh. You should've just asked."

"Huh?"

"I'm not real, either."

The wind wasn't noticeable anymore.

The End

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