16th October 2010- 22:22
The feeling of loneliness never seems to leave me now. I find it hard to breathe when I see others smiling. The touch of the devil draws me in and I'm not sure that I can resist another encounter with the dark side. The angel keeps his distance now, knowing the demon has his claws in deep beneath my skin. I cry out but am out done by so many, never reaching far enough into the past for fear of too many eyes searching deeper.
Oh, to be young again and free. To feel nothing but adoration, even the fallacy of faith once more would put a smile on my face but I cannot seem to dredge up the memories of that happy time when things were simple. Friends were there and stayed there. Love was not an issue then when things were said out loud.
But that was then, and here I am now. The darkness closing in, unable to feel the warmth of the angel's light any longer. Feeling the chill of the devil's grip tighten around my throat, my chest, my heart. My soul. Stained it is, my soul. The bitter hatred and the misery has crippled my spirit. But I refuse to bleed. Ink is my release now. Ink that lasts forever. Ink that leaves my mark on the world so that I am remembered. Remembered for who I really was and not what I was perceived to be.
I tried to be good. To be an individual. But that takes courage, courage I could not fake. I tried to be funny, but the laughter was shallow. I tried to look pretty but never succeeded in my own mind. My only hope is that I am not pitied. But hope is a thing with feathers, and my hope has been plucked clean.
I just ask one thing from those who I touched in any small way. Remember the laughter. Remember my smile. Remember me happy. In death remember me, for in life, I was forgotten.

The End

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