Zombie Coffee Fix

For those of you who just need to drink a cut of coffee in the morning before you see things clearly.

Early morning hustle and bustle of briefcases and power suits fill the Second Bucks coffee shop. A zombie in a business suit walks into the coffee shop with an ear piece, a newspaper tucked under one arm, a hand held device and a briefcase.  

"You damn turd... If I lose money on this, I will slap you into another profession!" The zombie pulls the blue-tooth from his ear and throws it across the coffee shop. The other customers continue with their morning routines.

The cashier -clearly a morning person- with her cheeky greetings and peppy bounce behind the register. She is a hip twenty something with piercings, eyebrow, ears, nose and mouth. Her pigtails are wrapped with purple hair ties and she wears the name tag Kiwi.

The zombie is prepared with his unusual order and greets the jovial Kiwi with a closed mouth creepy smile. 

Kiwi returns a smile and a rehearsed. "Welcome to Second Bucks, may I take your order?"

The zombie clears his throat and takes a breath. "I would like a Caramel Macchiato con Panna, with breast milk from a sixteen-year-old mother, spit from a unicorn, the blood of a virgin mule, topped with a dollop of whipped cream and a drizzle of caramel sauce in the shape of a star."

Kiwi rings up his order and tries for an up-sell. "Would you like a scone with that?"

The zombie quickly agrees and adds his specifications. "Ginger Molasses, cinnamon chip, blueberry, double chocolate scone." He slaps a hundred on the counter and wobbles his head from side to side.

"We don't take large bills here." Pointing to the wall with a sign stating clearly (WE DO NOT ACCEPT $50 or $100) 

"Oh for F@#^ $ake you C@#T! Too dumb to count that high?"

Polite and chipper as ever Kiwi replies. "It's store policy sir, a twenty would do just fine."

He pulls back his hundred dollar bill and replaces it with a twenty.

"Your order will be to your right, here is your change," she gestures him to the pick up area.

The zombie moves to the server section and waits impatiently, he checks his watch and then his hand held device, and then his watch again. 

The server, a emo-girl, dark hair, pink streaks cut short, tattoo of a rabbit on the back of her neck, and a stoned cold serious face, name tagged Penny.  She assembles the zombie's order with very little care and places the items on the counter. He picks up the scone and his espresso. He smells it and then takes a sip.  

"THERE IS NO BLOOD OF A VIRGIN MULE! YOU !@##$%$, INCOMPETENT MINIMUM WAGE %$#%, ILLITERATE WASTE OF SPACE@#$ %^$2 #$@#$!!!"

Penny is startled. She steps back and tries to offer an apology. "We only had blood of a fertile cow-"

The zombie leaps over the counter, rips the head from Penny's body and drinks her blood. He drops her head on the floor. Now covered in blood, he looks up and is met with eyes from all directions. The entire shop is in complete silence. He turns and is face to face with Kiwi, she is unable to move from shear fright.

While wiping his mouth, he says with great relief. "I am so very sorry. I guess all I needed was my morning fix."

The End

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