I walked down the stairs to the
canine department. It’s built so that there is a corridor of doors all leading
into the same enormous room. that room is divided into different sections for
I let myself in quietly.
Rick was talking to one of the dogs.
Well, more talking to himself but he occasionally addressed the dog.
The door slammed a bit as I closed
“What are you doing here?”
“I wanted to see the dogs.”
I lied unconvincingly.
“Devin sent you, didn’t he?”
Rick sighed. I think he was thinking
about strangling Devin.
“Just go away Tara. Please. What have
I ever asked you to do for me? Just help me out this once by leaving me alone!”
His eyes, so dark that they were
almost black, reflected frustration – not anger – frustration. A hatred of the
whole world, a hatred that was both strong yet weak, had once blazed in those
eyes. But now there was nothing. Nothing but a longing to give in and die. I
could see that. I could see the sense of suicidal recklessness that had once
“Please. Just hear me out. I know
what it’s like.”
I pleaded. The meaning behind the
word ‘it’ in the conversation, hung unspoken in the air like a frost.
“That’s what everyone says! They all
know what ‘it’s’ like. Half of them don’t even know what ‘it’ is! Tara, you got
your job without any trouble whatsoever, your family never hit you, you were
never bullied to the point of suicidal tendencies as a kid! I had to lie to get
the job. I had to pretend like I’ve never even seen a line of cocaine, I had to
blatantly lie that these scars were accidental injury, I had to act as if these
bruises weren’t from goddamn heroin injections! My life is just one long mess,
that I’ve been trying to escape from since I was ten years old! Fucking hell
Tara, you have no idea!”