You'd Love me if I Was Dead

I wrote this poem about the relationship between my cousin and I. She is older, an adult and a mother. I am a teen. I told her very important and personal things and she said she would help me. She lied. She hurt me. This is how I tired to express some of my emotions towards her, through writing.

The sky is my eyes

The rain is my tears

How long since you left me

Feels like it’s been years

I miss your smile, your voice, your face

I imagine I see you in each of the human race

I feel like I'm dying

Day by day

Life is sucked from my body

Because you won't say "Hey"

I thought you loved me

I thought you cared

But you only pretended

As if loving me had been a dare

I think of you each morning as I am getting ready for school

I walk the halls like a ghoul

Lifeless, alone, empty

Overwhelmed by my own guilt

That should not exist

All I want to do is talk to you

But you won't so instead I cut

I bleed to feel love

I bleed to feel pain

Bleeding is almost better than dancing it the rain

It's pure, it's freeing from all other cares

But cuts are a constant reminder

Of the times you hurt me, the times you weren't there

It comforts you knowing that I'm still alive

It keeps your guilt from consuming you

From making you feel like I

Like the world isn't spinning

Like nothing else matters

Like no matter who’s winning

You're still alone

And that is worse than all of it

Alone. How can that be possible

Billions of people in this world and you're alone?

The silence is deafing

It intimidates the haste

Decisions life threatening can only be made once

How does it come to be that one would take their own life?

How is it that someone can feel so much pain

Not to see the sun announcing the morning

To say goodbye to the light and hello to the night

Not to feel the air or the rain hitting your skin

Not to feel love ever again

You're lack of presence hurts me every single day

I don't know how much longer I can keep/continue living this way

It’s scary. It’s sad.

And you'll probably be mad

Just because you can, because you can

But maybe it will prove my point

You'd love me more if weren’t here

You'd love me if I were dead

The End

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