You Wouldn’t Remember
It is November 12 2008. 7:32 pm. Cole & Abby.
[Jake watches fastidiously from outside the window at Abby.]
Far window cracked open, cool breeze spilled in. Plum wallpaper, slightly peeled, gave the room a vague agitation.
His palms were doused in salty perspiration, kneading his knees like week-old, stubborn, bread dough. Sensing his anxiety, she placed her hand cautiously atop his. He spoke.
“I think I do really like you too. I’m not sure, like I've said I've never really felt…anything… for anyone before.” He paused, looking directly into her eyes. “I've never met anyone like you before though.
“You’re beautiful, Abby. You’re silly, you make me laugh, you have great self-respect. Unlike other girls. And…I did think about you last night, (not in a perverted way that most guys mean when they say that) I mean I thought about your silliness and your funny and just everything about you that’s amazing. It’s just…”
His hair slipped casually in front of his eyes. He clenched his knees, and his voice sped up a bit with a slight tremble.
“I’m mostly afraid I'll hurt you, babe, because you wouldn't deserve it and also I’m a little scared of relationships. I know that may sound weird. All these years of thinking and wondering. 18 years, hah. And I think I just figured it out…” She turns her head away, hand sliding off his.
It was August 8, 2008. 4:26 pm. Jake and Michelle.
[Abby was with a group of friends, watching Jake with a dejected jealousy.]
He picked her up and carried her daintiness in his arms. He whispered to her that he would carry her the whole way. She sighed and smiled into his squinted eyes, and the giggled harmoniously. He held her with caution and compassion, as though she were a newborn child. She clasped her arms around his neck and gave him gentle kisses up and around his lips.
They’re looking, she softly uttered, her eyes darting to “them”. He laughs and kisses her cheek, saying I didn’t notice them, boo. They pleasantly continued through the busy town, smiles, laughter, kisses, whispers. He couldn’t see the walkway ahead all too well, her freckled face concealing his vision. She quickly took notice that he couldn’t see, so she wrapped her legs around his hips and hoisted herself onto his back. Now you can see, Hun, she says, ruffling his hair.
It is November 12 2008. 9:17 pm. Cole & Abby.
[Jake sits on Abby’s front porch steps…knees bobbing anxiously, zipping up sweater.]
Cat sitting on top of her laundry hamper, licking its paws. Her “I Love Lucy” wall clock ticks obnoxiously. Lights on, curtains drawn.
She sits cross-legged on her extraordinarily shagged carpet, running her fingers through the tassels. She looks down. He sits at the foot of her bed, legs dangling insipidly, hands in lap, back slightly slouched. He looks at her.
He speaks with caution.
“I don’t know… I don’t think I can ever let anyone in. I don’t believe in love. Since I don’t believe it maybe I won’t find it.” He sighs. “There’s this thing called a placebo its when a person believes something will help them, that really has no effect. And the person will feel like that thing is helping them because they believe it,” She begins to cry.
“But in reality it does nothing its just an idea… like people made up religion. Noting about it is real; it’s just an idea. And they just made it up to give themselves a point in life... If they believed it gave them hope and they thought they could go on- I don’t know- I guess that’s just my theory... love isn’t really real...”
He takes no notice of her smudged mascara. The cat hops off the basket and out the door.
It was August 8, 2008. 5:45 pm. Jake & Michelle.
[Abby and her friends follow close behind the couple, jesting and mocking.]
He begins to run with her on his back, playfully avoiding the crowds of people. She laughed, kissing the top of his head as he began to slow to catch a breath. He began to walk slowly as she tickled his stomach, still on his shoulders. His nose scrunched up as he laughed. An old man shouted, "What is wrong with you guys??" causing an eruption of giggles.
They walked a bit more, and passed by Abby and friends. The friends snickered, mocking Michelle’s buoyant giggle. Michelle and Jake gave no attention to the cruel hyenas. She hopped off his back and stood beside him, enlacing her fingers with his as they continued to walk. She smiled, which he saw. He pecked the side of her head. She leaned her head on his arm, feeling so warm and comforted with him. She asked Where are we going? He responded It’s up to you baby I will follow you wherever you want to go.
It is November 12 2008. 9:25 pm. Cole & Abby.
[Jake gets up and searches for Abby’s bedroom window around the outside of the house.]
Cole now leans against the wall by Abby’s bed. Her head is perched on her knees, which have been brought to her chest. She rocks slowly back and forth.
He continues. “This placebo. It has no true affect at all. And doesn’t cure them whatsoever. They believe in it so much that they trick themselves into believing It is working. And they think and feel as if they are actually curing themselves.” He hops off the bed and sits beside her, detached.
“So love is just like that! None of it is true. And those who don’t believe never experience it because it is a made up idea.” She glances at him. “It’s psychology… how the human mind works.
“I think you can feel something for someone for a while. But it’s not love because it doesn’t last, it dies away and you’re alone again. No one can truly find his or her perfect person. It’s just ideals humans created.”
She stares, dumbfounded, blatantly crying. He looks into her eyes, then quickly looks down, avoiding awkwardness. He then stands, walks to her door, pushes it open while picking up is bag.
“That’s just the way it works,” he proclaims flatly.
As the door slams, she collapses into a pile of uncontrollable sobbing, tugging at her carpet.
It was August 8, 2008. 6:38 pm. Jake & Michelle.
[Abby’s friends went off. Abby continued following the two into the park.]
After minutes upon minutes of dashing through the town, they arrived at the beautiful city park. She was determined to relive her dream. They plopped down on the grass, then laid on their sides facing each other, both with wide grins. She looked into his eyes to see what he was thinking. They began to kiss: secretly, both their first time.
As their lips aligned, the beautiful green trees and blue sky became blurred and hazy to him, because nothing mattered except for his delicate flower. His heart throbbed as their soft lips pressed together and arms held each other close and intimate.
The environment suddenly became strikingly and silent. He thought it was peaceful. She thought it was uncomfortable. She kissed him a few more moments, then awkwardly sat up and brushed off her grassy dress. It was a very expensive dress. He quickly sat up to meet her, placing his hand on her shoulder. His concern was apparent.
In her dreams his kiss was tender and luscious. His breath was clean and teeth so white. She dreamt of melting into his muscular arms and kissing every inch of his body. She thought he would say Wake up baby, this is better than a dream because you are here with me… Instead, she noticed the blackheads on his nose, the oil by his hairline, and his breath was not fresh. Not in the least.
She got up and left.
He sat for a moment, stunned. He began to walk through the park. He walked past Abby, taking no thought of her whatsoever, his head firmly pointed towards the ground.
Her heart skipped two beats.
After he passed her, he stopped for a moment, then turned back to see the girl who had passed. She was beautiful.
They both continued, and never thought they would see one another again.
It is November 12 2008. 10:03 pm. Abby.
[Jake taps on her window.]
She walks to the window, opening it a foot.
He says, “I followed you home.”
She thinks. And finally replies, “Who are you?”
“You wouldn’t remember. It was months ago.”
She pauses. She smiles. She remembers. He realizes she remembers. He smiles. He climbs inside the window, to her room. He notices her smudged eyeliner and wipes her eyes. They have nothing to say, so they sit in silence. He contemplates the beauty of her warmth. She contemplates the complexity of his gaze. He holds her close to him, keeping her secure. It is no placebo. She caresses his cheeks, giving him care. It is not superficial. He brings her hands to his heart; she feels it skip two beats.
November 12 2078. Abby & Jake.
Jacob and Abigail Swanson.
Their Love is Forever.
An Endless Together.