it's not finished. working on it!
I hated you the moment my eyes met your's. It was something about your light, playful smile, or maybe it was the way your hair danced in the wind. You didn't belong here, not in a million years.
My eyes darted away, I knew you still looked at me. Waiting for me to look back. I couldn't though, so I walked away. Around the corner, and into another busy street.
The city never felt like home to me. Even though i grew up there. It never felt safe. With you there, I guess it really wasn't. Another block passed and I saw my apartment buliding.
I remember dropping my keys. Also, I remember you were the one who picked them up. It had to be you though. I don't think it would have worked any other way. At the time I was mad at you. To be honest, I still am.
Of course you asked for my name.
"Liz, my name is Liz." the words rolled right off my tounge with an unstoppable force. but then again you are a force to be recconed with.
"Well, I'll see you around," you flashed me those hypnotic green eyes of yours,"Liz."
I watched you walk off, not knowing what to do next. You had a plan, little did I know,I was in it.
Days passed and i couldn't shake you. My mind kept repeating our short conversation,looking far to deep into the meaning of it. Still it may not have been deep enough. You wanted something I could tell that much. I needed something and you knew it. It seemed to me as if you knew my past more so than I myself did. I always blevieved that to be true.
my writing surronded you and you would play the lead. I didn't even know your name but this is what i said:
How is it that
i was fine then i saw you
and i forgot
what i was thinking
i can't like you
hell, i don't even know you
that's exactly what happened
when i saw you.
I didn't understand then and I still don't know. Why you picked me, what i have that you need. I would ask you but I don't know were you are. And the sad fact of the matter is, I need you more than I think you ever expected. Way more than I thought I would.
so every night i go to sleep and see your face behind my heavy eye lids. I breath in your memory and drown in your wake. waves of pain crash over my numb heart and strand me out at sea in the middle of a hurricane. the beating winds scilence me, and the freezing rain turns me ice cold. this all still isn't enough to make me relize that nothing you said or did added up. that most everything was i lie.
I say that becase I don't think you lied about everything. I don't believe you had to . To be truthful here, I was quite willing to just go along with everything. I didn't wnat too question. Still i must admit that i did. It made it harder on you, I know that now. Saying this i don't think you lied when you said the three simplist but most complicated words to me I could be wrong, but something keeps me believeing that those words were the truth hidden under all the lies.
Now school has started, senior year finally. I can't wait to get away from here. Maybe not from you but from everyone else. It takes everything I have not to pack up and leave. I turned eighteen four months ago and could move out if I wished to do so. I have enough money saved up. My job pays well, I could survive.
looking though my closet for some clean jeans I stumble across a note. It's from ryan,he gave it to me on the last day of school. We had fought the night before, and he gave this to me telling me that he still loved me and didn't want to loose me. He was such a bitch that I really didn't care. I don't believe that I ever truely cared for him. Besides he probably hooked up with every girl he met. I was just the girl he could never have. A challenge, something to try to win. It's funny though how the universe works, because thats exactly what you seem to be for me. Something just slightly out of reach.
still that doesn't change a thing. in a way, i'm just as out of reach for you. i won't let you in, or understand why i am the way i am. it's to personal even for you. sometimes you have to keep people at arms length. make them give you space.
this is probably lost on you. it doesn't matter you always get what you want. if very rarely do you not. i think i might just be the exception. again though, these words are lost on you.
i'm in my car, listening to the radio. it's on some station, playing some song i've heard before, but don't reallly like. outside it's freezing, my heater is on as high as it can go. I'm still cold;I'm always cold.