five - final page

Will stopped knocking at the door he simply said “Anne, please hear me out, let me help you. I know how lost you feel right now but we can find a solution to everything ok? He told me he can prove everything with documents but until now we’re not even sure he’s saying the truth.” I didn't need a proof to believe what I was told, the memories that's forming in my head were enough to trigger something in my brain that was long forgotten. “You’re not alone in this, whatever happens, whatever choice you make, just remember that you’re not alone.” And with those words I felt a part of my heart that was squeezed shut soften. I opened the door and threw my weight over him, I clung to him like I was sinking and he was my oxygen.  

 

 

I feel like my heart is sagging down into an empty pit of darkness, it’s the guilt that’s crushing me. I knew I wasn’t normal and I didn’t go for help. I had a child, and I abandoned him. I had a family that sacrificed their entire life for me, but I didn’t even look for them. I’m also scared of what will happen now. I have to build a whole new life and I’m not sure if I’m ready for this.

I asked Will to give me Jack’s number and I called him to tell him that I want to meet Jacob.

 

We met in his apartment, surrounded by dirty furniture and stained walls, it was hard not to notice his bad living conditions. I asked him why he didn’t approach me directly.  “I swear I didn't want to meet you that way, I didn't want to hurt you, but that night you ran away from me and I was afraid you'll start screaming” he answered.

“I'm not angry. I'm just confused, what do you want from me?” “All I want is for Jacob to see you. He’s been asking a lot about you lately.” My raised brow showed him that I'm not buying this. “Honestly, I couldn't stand how you lived a happy simple life while we had to suffer every day because of what happened to you. We couldn't get over what we've lost. My mom had to work three jobs to take care of us yet there was always the question of whether we’ll have food for dinner or not. Wither she'll be able to pay the next month’s rent or not. Everything in our life was a challenge.”

"What does this have to do with me and Jacob?" I said with a shiver at saying his name for the first time.

“He doesn't have to live this way. You are his mother and I don't care if everyone tells me you’ve lost your mind, I've been watching you, and from what I've seen you're perfectly fine. Now take responsibility for your own child”

“Is he here with you?”

“Jacob, come here”

The boy entered the room shyly, his eyes on the floor and on his cousin but not on me.

“Hello Jacob, how are you?”

I had to fight the urge to hug him and hold him on my lap, to tell him how everything makes sense now. He was the missing piece in my life.

I know I have to take this slowly for his sake. The shy, skinny boy I'm seeing now doesn't seem to feel the same way and I don't blame him.

"Wanna get some ice cream?"

Jacob nodded with a wide smile on his face.

 -the end-

The End

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