Wow, I just read all of my old entries and I was really young and.. just young. Right now I'm seventeen and a junior in high school. A lot has happened over the years, I've changed. I miss the old me, the 8th grade me that was all about Jesus. What can I say? My life is not perfect, I'm not perfect, and my grades definitely suck. There's like all this confusion about who we are and what's important to us. Most people are all about that guy or that girl; they want the "D". Truth? I'm gonna wait until marriage and hope for the best. My logic is that if me and my future husband are meant to be then we'll fit physically and mentally. I'm so tired of high school bull and I'm ready to go to college to be a nurse but I'm also enjoying the time I have to be a kid. Umm, no boyfriend.. I'm kind of putting off dating until I'm in college. Not really feeling the need but then another part of me wants that dude that'll show me love and hold my hand and give me those kisses. I'm full of conflicting emotions that like to beat against the walls of my heart and confuse me. Maybe No, I'm not gonna go there no matter how hot and sincere and attentive he is. For the best if I just sit back and pass all the hormones off to someone else. Loll, I'm dumb but this is my life I guess.
"God, it's been a while.. I know you still love me, but I have problems that get in the way; I've backslid and now I feel like I'm screwed. I have these highs and lows that mess me up. One minute I'll feel like the saddest heart and the next I want to hug and kiss everyone and tell them 'I love you'. I feel like I need to be fixed; something feels off, broken. I'm split in more ways than one and I feel like I don't deserve your help. I don't even want to ask you for it; not because I think you'll say no, but because I'm jacked up and part of me doesn't want to give all this awful up.. Man, what is wrong with me?
Your Name, Heavenly Father, Amen."