So, now I have no doubts that I'm saved. It's crazy how one day you can be unsure about something and the next day your like, wowah! I'm still scared, but I feel so relieved. All thanks to God! The other night I was feeling so down, so scared and confused. I pretty much cried out to Jesus, I told Him about my doubts. I asked Him to forgive me, to help me.
This morning my mom came and visited me, along with her friend Liz. She's moving out of our cousin's house and into Liz's. She needed me and grandma's help. Anyway, when w were all done with that I asked grandma a question as we were driving home.
I said, "Grandma?"
She murmured absently. "Hmm?"
I tried to find the right words to express my question. Finally I simply asked, "In all your years of you having a relationship with God, have you ever had doubts you were saved?" I was scared I was the only one who had doubts and that I wasn't saved.
"Of course." She said. "That's what the devil does. He wants us to doubt our faith, our salvation. The devil hates us, but he hates it even more when one of us start believing and get saved."
"When we walk with God, we need faith. The devil want us to lose that faith, so he'll do everything he can to make us lose that faith. The fact that he's putting doubts in your mind about your salvation proves your saved." She continued with, "Don't ever let him strip your faith away. You hold tight to God, to your faith. You need to be reading your bible, to get that word in you. I don't know how much you pray-"
"I pray a lot."
She ignored me. "-but you still read bits and pieces of scripture by reading the other books you read."
I wasn't looking for a sermon, but I needed to hear that so much that I almost cried. Relief couldn't begin to describe how I felt. Even though it was a bit lengthy, I still appreciated grandma's answer. Honestly, I think it was God's way of assuring me He is here and that I'm still saved.
I really can't make you understand how good it felt to be reassured just like that. The whole ordeal reminded me of a saying that formed in my mind a while ago. "Life is a journey and you need faith to walk it." (Me). Today wasn't all happiness, though.
I texted my friend an hour ago and she said she was bummed. I asked her why and she finally told me that she was tired of people only seeing how she dressed, how she looked, the surface things, not who she was on the inside. She said how sad she was and stuff. When I said she needed God and that He doesn't discriminate you or judge you by how you dress or look. I also told her that she just needed to talk to him.
Well, I guess I was too preachy because she blew me off. Saying she was glad I found God, but that she didn't want a relationship with God right now. She said she was away from Him for too long and that she wasn't a religious person. She explained to me that that was why she didn't want to tell what was wrong because she didn't want to be preached at.
She further explained that she believes in God, she just doesn't take it as seriously as I do. Also that my life shouldn't revolve around Him and that I shouldn't waste my body sitting around. She said finding God is on the way to exploring God. Then, she explains her interest in music and traveling around the world.
I had to control my temper because I was very close to telling her off, I know I had no reason to be angry.(personal reasons). I very calmly told her that I didn't mean to "preach" at her and that it's just how I am. I said that it'll probably happen again, but only because I care about her. I explained that I wouldn't tell her how to live her life and in return she wouldn't tell me how to live mine. Then I said I'd pray and bye.
I'm focusing too much on the negative. God helped me, He cleared things up, showed me the truth, and was strong when I was weak. Hallelujah! THANK YOU GOD! YOU ARE SO AMAZING! My heavenly Father, I truly love you.
This is my life,
P.S. The whole saying,
"Life is a journey.
You need God to begin it,
Faith to walk it,
Love to endure it,
and Jesus to end it."
(Any questions, comment below).