Doomsday was what I decided to call the email. I thought it had a nice ring to it. It pretty much summed up everything and anything I felt towards him. It rolled off my tongue as easily as my feelings the day I poured them out to him from the bottom of my hiccuping heart. I threw a book on the floor in frustration. Goddammit! I hate feeling weak and vulnerable, why was I so stupid?
It suddenly appeared to me so obviously and so crystal clear that I was even more annoyed with myself. I thought that after everything we had been through he'd feel the same. I guess that was my mistake. It was always my fault after all. The alligator tears were all on him. I hoped that he'd feel half as shit as I did but I knew he wouldn't. He wouldn't have a clue how I felt because I told him it was fine, it was all my fault, that I would always be his friend. WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING? I mean seriously, what was going through my head that made me act like a submissive air-head idiot. I have so much more intelligence than that. Out of this anger was the birth of Doomsday. The only thing I could do to relieve the anger raging inside of my body.
I guess its safe to say our friendship effectively destroyed. I suppose it's my fault, but I'm done trying to make you feel better about yourself. You know as well as I do that you had a part to blame in the destruction of a friendship that I was beginning to depend upon. I know I said I didn't want anything to change between us but inevitably it has. What were you playing at? Did you think that by finding out everything about me and then using it to your advantage it would somehow miraculously make you want me? I don't want your pity, I never wanted it. So all this bullshit about wanting to be in love to me it seems was a facade for you to utterly kill me inside when I grew to depend on you. I know I said don't feel bad, but goddammit I want you to feel bad. I want you to feel awful, I want you to care enough to ask me how I am. Make an effort, its clear that from your lack of contact over the past few days that you really don't give a shit about me or our 'friendship'. I probably only served to make your ego bigger and I hope you find a girl who will gladly pamper your massive head and give you exactly what you want. I only hope in time you realise what you just lost. Talk me to when you realise what you want.