Dam you are always so good at making me second guess myself when I make some room to breathe. You would say I gave up. I abandoned you. I left you in the dark. Because I skipped two times I'd have seen you this week in a class I'm not enrolled in. You call me weak. No, I'm not weak.
But do you honestly think I could come to you and tell you I was going to walk away, and you'd let me? No. Because we have already established you to be the master of chains, in and out of them. I think this is manipulative. To tell me I'm giving up on a struggle is one of the deepest chords you can strum.
If you really want to pick that battle, here's my reality: It is harder to give up on you and walk away leaving the best parts of me behind for a new promise, than stay and keep my first love and comfort near.
But I'm choosing the first one because its the moral thing to do. If I stayed, I'd hurt the most people. It's selfish to keep something that shouldn't belong to me anymore. I'd deny her the best, I'd confuse you with your shitty choices, and I'd kill myself bending over backwards trying not to stab either of you, and making your nice little conscious feel better.
I'm leaving, I'm making your position a little easier. You wont have your ex girlfriend hanging around anymore, reminding you of what you don't have. My replacement wont be undermined. You can live your life free now you don't have a black cloud hovering.
And I wont feel like I still have a chance with you. It's my justice. Babe you have no idea how many times I've burst into tears because I'm ripping my own heart out for you. I feel the most abundant self hate whenever I see her and instead of being overwhelmed with admiration I'm filled with venom. I hate her now, and myself even worse for letting jealousy take my best friend away. But now, I don't have to be the villain that ripped apart a new relationship in attempt to reestablish the old.
Yes. I'm a selfish weak brat you is ruining your past and present relationships.
Luckily for you I'm solving your problems. Now heres where I get to shove it right back. If I'm so weak and lowly, stop wanting me back so badly.
And if you care about me at all, you will let me stand back on my feet again. You will stop shoving your unattainable love for me in my face. You will stop stepping on me to be with that cold reserved girl who makes you miss me, and you will stop ripping away my self esteem and shutting down all other potential happinesses.
I took a break to find me. I danced. I'm sorry you felt the need to lash out in anger because we both know its not what we want, but apparently we're not mature enough to advocate for what we truly want. Play your charades, I'm done. You're weaker than I thought.