Emotions are really the scariest part of your life that you will ever, ever, ever know. It's your emotions that keep you from sleeping at night, when you are scared of that one thing tomorrow, that one person tomorrow, that one class, exercise, test, argument... Emotions will ruin you. They do ruin you. They ruin your ability to use executive function. You just block everything out and react in this terrible, horrible way and it's just a nasty spider's web. That's all life really is, is a spider's web. Sometimes twigs fall in it, sometimes you get that lovely bug for you to cherish, but generally all you get are dust particles and jumbled up bits of plant that are of no use to you. You get a mosquito, but then when it's gone you start to need it back, need the way it made you feel safer; you're not going to die, you've got this nutrients, this life line. You have something. And that's really more than most people get. You've started to depend on this little life form, and then you've killed it off by being too upfront, or scary, or just being too much. And then you get scared: what if you never, ever find another bug like that again, that made you feel so happy inside? What if you do and you're too busy feeling the pain of losing that one thing that had made you happy? And if you scare that one away, which is almost inevitable? What if you hurt it? How do you deal with yourself then? You're just a spider, you don't know how to cope with emotions, with hurting. You don't know what you're going to do with yourself after that. So what you do is you start being reckless, without even meaning to. You start to bait by hiding in the shadows and then pouncing, and that will only scare something else away that you need. And you need something. How do you go through without having anything again? It's all so crazy. You don't know what you're doing anymore, with anything, and you start spiraling into this weird pattern of being extremely efficient sometimes and being lousy the next. Your webs become less beautiful and more whacky. You're tangled in yourself. And you can only come out by finding something else to feed on, to hold onto. At least, that's what you think. What you just need is time to understand. And that is the most cheesiest thing to say, ever, but you just need to figure things out in your head. You need to stop freaking out; you need to calm down and then decide what you're doing. And once you do that you'll be able to get back to your eloquent webbing ways; you just need to get out your frustration.

RATE THIS CHAPTER!