You Are Here

I'm going to set up the first few chapters, and then it will be quite open to others. After it's set up, it will be quite easy to add new 'episodes' to our character's story. And the title will soon make good sense.

Jeff was rather certain that his life was insane, but having no comparison to make having only lived one life, he was unsure if it would be premature to turn himself in as a comic book character.

And besides, now that he was a refugee to the normal world, they wouldn't think of sending him back to the pen and paper. He was here for good amongst the boring, the lame, and the delusional. But what was he?

Well, a street performer, naturally. But as insane as his act appeared from the outside, it was truly the only situation he had any control over. The six flaming torches and the balancing act with the chainsaw, skateboard, and giant dinosaur egg was easy to manage. It was the rest of his life that was weird.

First of all, he was being stalked by a questionably young girl who watched his every show while consuming unhealthy amounts of popsicles and wearing brightly-colored, fluffy jackets that made her look similar to a throw cushion.

Secondly, his grade eleven math teacher from 99' was attempting to sign him up for a math competition because he feared Jeff's current career was too "transitory" and that solving multi-variable calculus in his head was a far better way to earn a living.

And wait, there's more. Thirdly, is it? Jeff's mother was going through a strange phase in which Dr. Brown was the new god, and that his preached diets based purely on faith and soy milk were the new Way to Eternal Youth.

Lately however, Jeff was somehow managing to ignore all of the above. And that meant that he was odd-balling his way through the multiple-guess test of life trying to find the pattern behind the questions. And all of this new wave philosophy of 'what the hell is going on?' stemmed from one incident.

It was, coincidentally (or was it?), the incident that caused him to compare his life to a comic book. It occurred on a day like any other, meaning, a day that played like a brand new twist on an overdone storyline.

His skills at watching out for his creepy stalker girl had come in handy, but with startling results. They'd told him that there was an old man following him around. A man who wore a red striped toque on a summer day, and used a cane with a skull on the top.

Normally, this strange sighting would blend perfectly with the random circus of his life, but instead, it was rather too orderly. The man was precise, stealthy, organized. And not only that, but he was a professional. Now, Jeff was rather afraid of professionals, and for good reason.

This professional was taking pictures of Jeff. He was showing up at his house. He was following him in a white van. He was even asking questions around town. And so, Jeff was rather surprised when this stealthy, snoopy man came out of the shadows with a straight face and a survey.

"Care to take my survey?" asked the man.

Jeff slapped the sidewalk with his feet as he came to an abrupt stop. Was this man cracking a joke or was he simply reaching new horizons in the field of spy work?

"A survey?" asked Jeff.

"Yes." The man thrust a piece of paper forward with a pen.

Jeff's tongue was tied with a curious cat. And that was three too many expression to be wrapped into one. He took the paper with a stunned look.

The man grinned wildly, and scratched his toque.

Jeff stared down at the first question.

The End

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