Bound and Determined

After throwing a quick-cook pot pie in the microwave, I brought my stand and case downstairs to practice.  The violin felt so foreign in my hands as I lifted it from its deep slumber.  The callouses on my fingers had softened in the time I'd spent away from the instrument, and my fingers ached when they pressed against the strings. 

I knew I shouldn't have slacked off... but I couldn't help it, practicing just feels so pointless when you feel like no one needs you... I would've much rather spent my time playing the piano.  It didn't leave my fingers sore, but playing it would've been useless.  My skills on the piano didn't earn me much, save for a few bucks at the local jazz bar now and then. 

I spent half an hour on warm ups, going up and down all the scales and playing finger exercises tirelessly. After I was done I suveryed myself.

Ehh... scales were a bit sketchy, but not too bad...

I had been expecting much worse.  I guess I underestimated myself.  Oh well, there was no time for pondering, I needed to get on with the music.  It was fairly challenging, and I still needed to write in fingerings...

A few hours into practicing, I was interupted by the shrill ringing of the telephone.  I put down the instrument, glad for a break.  I examined the caller ID, "Brandi, hmm I haven't talked to her in a while..."

I picked up the phone, "Hello?"

"Hey Jack! How's muh best bud doing?"

I had to smile at her enthusiasm, she was a great friend, and had been since high school.  I decided not to lie to her about how I was doing, since I knew she'd see through my half-hearted bluff anyway, "Eh, I could be better... I'm practicing."

"Oh, well I'm sorry to hear that, and excuse me for interupting you!"

I chuckled slightly at her politeness, "No, no, it's fine.  I'm glad for a small break."

"Oh well I'll be quick.  I was wondering if you were coming to me and Chris's party tonight. Everyone's gonna be there!"

Everyone...? I thought

The silence was enough to give away my thought, "Oh, well I mean not everyone... Oh, Jack, you know what I meant... Would you please come?  It would mean so much to me... I promise you'll have fun, lil boy."

"lil boy" was my nickname, and hers was subsequently "lil girl".  We gave them to each other in high school, and kept them ever since.  I could see that she hadn't changed a bit since then.  She was still the sweet, fun loving best friend she'd always been.

"Alright, lil girl, just tell me what time."

"Eight O'clock, my place, of course."

I could hear the delight in her voice, and I smiled a bit wider, "Alright, I'll be there, and I promise to bring a smile with me!"

And I really did mean that, however hopeless I felt in my heart...

"Good, lil boy!  I'd like to see you smile for a change.  But hey, I've got things to do before the party, and you need to get your practicing done, so I'll let ya go."

I nodded, "Alright, I'll talk to you tonight then."

"Ok, bye Jack!"

"See ya, Bran."

After hanging up I fixed myself a small snack of cheese and crackers (Mmmm that's the stuff, you should try it sometime!).  Having a snack was one of several things that would usually put me in a better mood, another being taking a shower.  For some strange reason, I could never be unhappy if I was in the shower, unless I was in a really bad mood...

I thought about the party.  I was worried... whenever I tried to do something fun, my heart would sink.  It would just always bring down my mood when I tried to be happy.  Every time I tried, I just sank deeper, and I had become tired of it.  This time, I was going to have fun.  I was determined not to let my sunken heart get the best of me.  I felt it sink at the thought, but I forced myself to ignore it.

No, not this time... I will be happy at Brandi's party...

The End

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