Yellow

What ever happened to the time I could just while away playing my violin?  No longer does the sweet sound emanate from my room as it did before.  It simply lies in it's case all day, just like me who rests in my bed all day.  Just thinking... thinking, and allowing the lyrics of depressing music to slosh around in my mind.  The newspapers have been collecting upon my driveway for a while now, and pretty soon I would have to make a grocery run...

But I knew that I'd much rather stay in bed.  I'd starve in my soft, warm, empty bed.  I began thinking about all the things I would to do in the coming weeks and months.  My birthday would be here before I knew it...

Ugh, why should I bother?  Does anyone really care if I'm turning 25? 

I knew people cared.  The problem was that I didn't want to see anyone.  I wanted to pretend that no one else existed.  It was just me, my empty bed and my empty house.  My empty house which no longer rang with beautiful music. My empty bed which no longer contained a sense of welcoming, but a feeling of lingering dread and loneliness. 

Brandi had called several times the day before, wanting to know if I'd like to come to her and Chris's 6th anniversary.  They'd been dating for six years, and I've never understood why they just didn't get married. 

I had to smile at the thought of Brandi.  Such a sweet girl, she was.  She was always there for me, never impatient, and she always listened to me whenever I needed to get something out.  But lately 'getting things out' hasn't helped me in the least bit....  I sighed, knowing that no amount of kind words from Brandi could give me more than just a temporary half-hearted smile.

I suddenly remembered that I had a gig in several days.  I hadn't practiced in at least two weeks, and I hadn't even given the music more than just a quick glance.  I lay in bed for a while, debating on whether to get up and practice or to stay in bed.  After about 30 minutes, I decided that I needed to practice, seeing as I needed money from the gig to pay for groceries...

I should probably start up lessons again as well...

I gave an unenthusiastic sigh at the thought of all the work to be done.  Oh well, I asked for it.  A musician's life isn't a game as many would like to think.  We take every opportunity we can, no matter how much or how little money is involved.  We get anything and everything we can.  But hey, we do what we love, so I guess it's no big deal in the end.  As long as you're willing to take the time to do the work and practice necesary.  Though, picking up the instrument is hard when you've been down in the dumps for as long as I had been. 

Ah, I couldn't miss the gig.  Besides, Adam was going to be there.  I hadn't seen him in ages, and we both could use some catching up. We'd been good friends throughout high school and college, though he was about 3 years older than I.  Funny, considering he was several inches shorter than me. 

After thinking for a little while more, I got up to take my morning shower, eat, and practice for bit.  Maybe I'd visit Brandi today if I were up to it...

The End

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