Alex struggles to write a story for a week-long competition.
I'm sitting at the computer wondering what to write. A blank page is staring back at me. Microsoft Office Word. That little vertical bar blinking on and off.
What is that bar called anyway?
No, no time for pondering. You've one week to write a really good story. One week isn't a long time. How many hours exactly? Take away 8 each night for sleep, so 8 times 7 is... (mental arithmetic, counting on fingers) 56 hours. So take 56 away from, er... (more counting on fingers) 24 times 7... er... (open up Calculator) Honestly, you're pathetic, you can't even multiply... Right, so 168 minus 56 is 112, now take away a few hours for meals, toilet breaks...
You're procrastinating again, dammit! How difficult could it be to write something in a week? You've done it before. Hmmm... maybe it's more difficult to write when it's something you have to do for a competition.
OK. Characters would be a good place to start. Right. Er, a bloke called Dave. No. A girl called Mary. No. Er... what's a good name? Erm... Carl is a good name. OK, a guy called Carl. And he is... 29 years old?
Actually, no, better make the characters my own age. What do I know about being 29? (Delete, delete, delete...)
OK. Carl, 14 years old?
How many 14 year old people do I know called Carl? (Delete, delete, delete) I'll make it a girl, that's what I'll do. I know a lot of girls. Right, girl's names.
I could go and flick through a book and use the first girl's name I find.
(Get book, return half an hour later with book and sandwich)
Okey dokey. (Flick through book) Aha! Mary. Dammit. (Flick) Mary again. I think this is a book about a girl called Mary.
(Get another book, flick through)
OK, no girl's names on this page. There's a guy called Toby though. (Next page) No girl's name here. (Flick) Good book this. (Flick flick flick) Might read it. Later obviously. Not now. Actually I might just read that chapter about...
(Read book for fifteen minutes)
I wonder what percentage of time I've already wasted...
Right! I've got an idea! (Open up Google, type in 'Girl's Names')
Did you mean: Girls Names
Yes I did. Thank you Google. OK. Grace, Sophie, Hannah, Megan, Chloe... these are all fairy princess names! Oooh, Acantha, meaning "Thorny". Sounds like a plant name...
Meaning of the name 'Roxanne'... I like that name, it sounds both sweet AND bad-ass... does bad-arse make sense? No, it doesn't... 'Roxanne, of Persian origin, meaning Dawn.' Interesting... is it a name that non-Persian people have? I don't know any Roxannes...
Maybe, since it means 'dawn' Roxanne is an amazing heroine with the power to light up like a lightbulb?
(Shrug) Maybe. Right. Now the rest of the story...