This is an old story I wrote during my high school years, 7 years ago. Heavily inspired by world history, psyche-treatment documentaries, and (the most obvious component) video games, this sci-fi/war novel tells the tale of a war-torn soldier following his brother's footsteps.
Forgive the flaws; it is rather dated and my writing skills have improved since then, however your critique is valuable! I plan to rewrite/revise and resubmit Wrath and finally finish the story I had imagined.
In the year 3011, society and the industry has adapted to a Utopia created by innovated technology. There are cures for deadly diseases, faster transportation, and super computers that keep our world in tranquility. Some people call this era the “era of new life”; others call it “the beginning of industrial evolution”, but it is commonly known as “Galbua”, which is an archaic word that comes from another galaxy meaning “elimination of wrath”. But not only has the way of life improved, the military and weaponry used is just as powerful. The GalbuanArmy is the peace makers that everybody looks up to. They take pride in their job, and do what is necessary to keep evil away from Galbua, and all around the world. But keep in mind that nowhere is safe....because far in the universe, there are galaxies and planets that have the potential of chaos and havoc....
“Fascinating isn’t it? I mean, the way they eat? The way they walk? It truly is....” Roy Denworth said as he slowly rubbed his chin. You could tell by the look on his face that he was deeply intrigued.... “Yeah, that’s a “Viggor” right? The herb-eating thing?” I said. “Yeah, that’s the one. Beautiful right?”, “Yeah, right. Outta sight hippy…” I said, trying to poke fun at him. He laughed, still starring at the computer screen. “Hey, you’re getting sent out right? Tomorrow?”
Roy asked. “Yeah.” I answered. Tomorrow was going to be my first REAL assignment. “Brief hasn’t told me all about it though.” “So you nervous? ‘Cause your block will be recruited first.” Roy said looking at me, but turning away to view the species he was watching. “Yeah. I know. We’re all fresh meat...” I said. “You’ll do good. It’ll probably be one of those geometrical searches, you know, when you observe the environment and stuff on other planets....” he said. “Maybe…” that’s all I said…”maybe”…like I didn’t even care...
And then, the announcement speaker called out, “Attention Block 1, Sector 1 please report to the Briefing room on the 4th floor. All of Block 1, Sector 1-A report to the Briefing room on the 4th floor. This is an urgent assignment. Please report now.”
In the briefing room, on the 4th floor, all of Block 1 was there, including me. We all looked like helpless dogs ready to get beaten. Block 1 was all new recruits that just joined the Galbuan Army. “Okay, it seems like everyone is here. I’ll have Commander Grey explain the situation to you all.” Said Colonel Baker. Colonel Baker was the informant for the Briefing center. “Thank you Colonel. I’ll take it from here.” Said Commander Grey. Commander Grey on the other hand, was a respectful man who always watched over us all. “Before I go over the mission, how many of you are familiar with the incident that happened to “Carrier Number 227?” “That’s the carrier that never returned back from the portal right?” someone called out. You see, since our technology has rapidly increased, we were able to find new galaxies, planets, species, and other wondrous things. “Correct. The same carrier that had Dr. William Sandroski aboard. I will go over the story for those of you who have never heard about it...”
“One year ago, Dr. Sandroski found a portal near Saturn. Since it was a new-found portal, Galbuan Intelligence decided to send out a team to go through the portal. The team consisted of 4 members; one of those members was Dr. Sandroski. When reaching the portal, they sent us a message explaining that everything was going smooth. As they went through the portal, this was the last transmission we obtained from Carrier 227....” Commander Grey explained. As he finished his sentence, he pressed a button to play the transmission.
“Alright we are in! This is Carrier 227 saying that we are through the portal and uncovered a new-----hold on---wait, the----showing odd readings, indicating that there’s some kind of---------what!? WHAT!? What is that! Why is it---------coming straight at us! Turn the-----PULL BACK! PULL BACK!!!!--------AHHH!!!!!!!!”
Then complete silence.
We all had a scared look on our faces. It was horrible, the scream that was played. Commander Grey started to talk again. “We don’t know why or how they crashed, but we’re going to find out. That’s where you come in Block 1. Your mission is to go through the same portal 227 went into. Supposedly, the Carrier debris is on an unknown planet, so that’s where you’ll be during the search.”
“Alright, you all have been briefed so gear up and head out!”
Yelled Colonel Baker. And that’s when it all started.....