C: Grammar has always been difficult for me.

K: You don’t do it good?

C: Well…no.

K: Do you forget the question mark

C: No, I just don’t always remember to...what’s the word…dammit          what’s the word….punctuate!

K: I know the feeling I often miss my periods

C: There are things you can do about that, including: having your          colon checked.

K; That sounds like “something a doctor” would say.

C: As for me most often I fail to include the comma an issue which          makes my sentences run on and on and on endlessly.

K: I totally– dash that – I understand completely.

C: Plus, as though trying to compare my writing to real literature, I          make poor analogies.

K: Sounds like my problem with similes.

C: My other problem is with dependent clauses, just hanging                  there…

K: The obvious threat there is that passivity could show in your              writing.

C: Exactly, I need to be more…what’s the word…less                                demonstrative…er…less pretentious…no that’s not it…ahh yes,        concise.

K; Perhaps you could stop, juggling your phrases, goofing with your     grammar, toying with metaphor, ya know, playing with your                 words.

C: To that end, for Christmas I’m asking Santa for an ability to work        with the independent clause and the pun.

K: What a gift!

C: Structure        too       though  is…critic—al.

K: “……….”

 

C: Also, the speed of dialogue is important.  It’s better when it’s fast.

K: Are you trying to tell me to write quicker?

C: No, I’m telling you to make your characters say the words faster.

K: Faster you say?

C: With more speed.

K: What if the character is a little…ya know… slow?

C: Many characters will speak at different paces.  I’m talking about        the time in between their dialogue.

K: Oh, you mean the paces of the spaces?

C: Yes. Make them fast.

K: Won’t that just be running words together?

C: Jog your memory, you’ll figure it out.

K: I keep tripping up.

C: Do it step by step.

 

C: And use repetition. Repetition of lines makes points clearer.

K: Repetition of lines?

C: Repetition of lines.

K: Make points clearer?

C: Yes it clarifies them.

K: So points of clarification?

C: Yes that’s important.

K: Can you repeat that?

 

C: And give your characters depth.

K: So if I make him sad, I should make him really sad.

C: No, make him sulk, speak slowly, come from a broken home,            sleep a lot.

K: Then everything about him should be sad.

C: For crying out loud, yes.

K: What if my characters aren’t depressed.

C: Trust me, they will be once you start writing them.

K: But can I write other types of characters, besides sad?

C: Yes, because ultimately your characters will write themselves

K: Well, what if my character is illiterate?

C: Then you’ll be doing an autobiography.

 

C: And make the drama build. (quietly)

K: What do you mean?

C: Make the scenes grow with tension.

K: Why would I do that?

C: Because it peaks the curiosity of the audience.

K; That seems stupid.

C: Why?

K: Because only idiots would be curious about things that are about to revealed to them.

C: Are you calling your audience an idiot?

K: Yes, do you have a problem with that?

C: It’s ridiculous.  You write for them.

K: I don’t. I write for me.

C: Then maybe you’re the idiot.

K: Did you just call me an idiot?

C: A blithering idiot.

K: I’m an idiot? Me, a blithering idiot? (Now roaring)

C: Yea, make the drama build.

 

C: Also, don’t forget transitions.

K: Transitions?

C: Images and words that carry one sentence to the next.

K: Like hooks?

C: Placed properly, they can leave the audience dangling.

K: And tunnels?

C:  Certainly, but only for your dark moments.

K: And bridges?

C: Those can be used here and there, to move the audience.

 

C: Alas, I must leave you now with an awkward Goobdye.

K: Ok subtext me soon.

C: Ok c u l8r.

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