Woeful Wizards Order of the Phoenix Episode Three
[Harry, the Weasleys, Hermione and the Order of the Phoenix are having dinner at 12 Grimmauld Place.]
Harry:My! These sprouts are (s) delicious!
Ginny:As are your eyes, Harry.
Molly:(ignores Ginny) Thanks, Harry.
[Harry stares at Ginny, who flutters her eyelashes in return. Harry looks uncomfortable.]
Harry:S-so, what have you guys been up to?
Sirius:(stands up) He has a (s) right to know, Molly.
Molly:How (s) dare you! In front of children as well! Everyone except Harry leave!
Fred:We’re over seventeen.
George:So we’re no longer teen.
Hermione:He’ll tell (s) me and Ron anyway.
[Everyone looks at Ginny and waits. She scowls back at all of them.]
Ginny:Fine then. I’ll just (s) be in my room, all alone, waiting. (She winks slowly at Harry.)
[Ginny exits and Harry sighs.]
Sirius:What would you like to (s) know, Harry?
Harry:Just, you know, a recount of your holidays I guess.
Sirius:(places hands on Harry’s shoulder and stares deep into his eyes) Are you ready for this responsibility, Harry? Because this is top secret-
Molly:(stands up) STOP! He’s not James!
Sirius:And you’re not (s) his mother!
Molly: (whispers) I might as well be.
[Dramatic music. Harry swivels to Molly and looks shocked.]
Harry:(eyes shining with tears) I had no idea.
[Draco and the gang are at Malfoy Manor.]
Crabbe:We haven’t been doing much lately.
Goyle:That’s because there hasn’t been anyone to interact with besides ourselves.
Draco:Hey, guess what I (s) just found!
[At dinner at Grimmauld Place.]
Sirius:… basically, we’ve been trying to stop Voldemort or something.
Harry:(gasps) I’m shocked!
Molly:Don’t tell him anything else otherwise… this gets personal.
[Everyone starts to clear their plates away.]
Ron:So, Mum, do you think of me in the same way that you consider Harry?
Molly:Of course I do, Charlie.
Sirius:Harry, I need to (s) show you something.
Harry:(s) … okay.
[Sirius takes Harry to the living room.]
Sirius:This is the (s) Black tapestry.
Harry:(whistles) That’s quite something.
[Covering an entire wall is a whiteboard, with a family tree on it.]
Sirius:Let’s see, that was me but my mother rubbed me out…
Sirius:… yes, quite. And there was Tonks’s mother but again, rubbed out… oh and there’s Bellatrix Lestrange…
[Harry twitches at the sound of her name. Sirius doesn’t notice.]
Sirius:… and there was Arthur… and Molly was there…
Harry:Hang on, they’re (s) related?
Harry:Molly and Arthur are… related?
Sirius:I don’t- I don’t, um (scratches head) What was I- ah yes! And there’s the Malfoys…
[Sirius continues to ramble on. Harry looks at him disgustedly. Dramatic music.]
[Draco and the gang are in Draco’s bedroom, on the internet together.]
Crabbe:It’s like (s) virtual school!
Goyle:Wow! We’re making potions!
Draco:Okay, now I just have to wave my wand…
Crabbe:QUICKLY! You only have (s) six seconds left!
Draco:AHHH…. And got it!
[They all cheer and high five each other.]
Goyle:How long ‘til it’s ready?
Crabbe:Uh, an hour and twenty three minutes.
[Harry, the gang, Fred, George, Ginny, Molly and Sirius are doing some cleaning.]
Sirius:OH MY GOD I AM SO BORED.
Hermione:Sirius, you’re (s) hand!
[Sirius’s hand is covered in a crust.]
Sirius:(taps hand with wand) Huh, must be Wartcap powder. (s) I AM SO BORED.
Molly:Let’s clean out this cupboard, shall we?
[Everyone nods and begin to clean out the cupboard.]
Ron:Hey, what’s (s) this?
[Ron holds up a locket.]
Hermione:Open (s) it!
Ron:(tries to open it) I- I can’t.
Sirius:Oh, let me. (snatches the locket off of Ron) Hang on, neither can I.
[One by one, everyone tries to open the locket but to no avail.]
Fred:This thing is obviously useless.
George:It makes me toothless.
Hedwig:(swoops in) FORESHADOWING.
Harry:How did (s) you get out of your cage?
Hermione:Obviously let us forget this ever happened.
[They through the locket away. Dramatic music.]
[Draco and the gang are still at the computer, staring at the screen.]
Draco:Why can’t I (s) duel anyone?
Crabbe:How much (s) longer on the potion?
Draco:Uh… it’s finished brewing now!
Goyle:Cool! Click on it!
Draco: (clicks) Wait, I have to do more stuff? (s) I JUST WAITED FOR A BLOODY HOUR AND A HALF FOR THIS TO BREW.
Crabbe:Technically an hour and twenty three minutes.
Draco:(s) SHUT UP.
[Draco moodily clicks on the screen. Crabbe and Goyle watch him, bored.]
Draco:It’s (s) done.
Draco:I- I don’t know.
Crabbe:Maybe we click on it and get a (s) badge or something?
Goyle:Nope, nothing. But you did get (s) five house points.
Crabbe:Can you (s) do anything with it?
Goyle:I guess not, huh, Draco?
[Draco does not respond, but instead stares intensely at his computer screen.]
Draco:NOT EVEN A BLOODY MINI GAME!
[Draco stands up, picks up his computer, and throws it on the ground. He then lights it on fire.]
Draco: (s) Let us never speak of this again.
[Harry and Ron are in their jim-jams, getting ready for bed in their bedroom.]
Harry:I’m so (s) nervous about tomorrow.
Ron:What’s (s) happening tomorrow?
Harry:(s) My trial.
[Dramatic music. Molly comes into the room.]
Molly:Oh, and by the way Arthur’s taking you. And Dumbledore was here.
[Molly exits, taking a sock with her.]
Harry:(whispers) Dumbledore… how (s) could you?
Ron:(cheerily) ‘night, Harry!
[Ron turns off the light and goes to bed. Harry remains sitting up in bed.]
[Harry falls asleep. A figure comes to the window and peers in.]
Figure:Harry… tomorrow we (s) shall meet.
[Very dramatic music.]
END OF EPISODE THREE