Episode SeventeenMature

Woeful Wizards Goblet of Fire Episode Seventeen

Scene 1:

[Cedric and Harry are in the graveyard. Peter is there too, holding a Bundle.]

Cedric:Now you’re (s) mine!

[Cedric grips Harry, who looks shocked.]

Harry:(gasps) Your skin is ice cold!

Bundle:Then it must beiceto meet you! Am I right?

Cedric:(sneers at Bundle) Like I haven’t heard that before.

Bundle:(Pause) Kill him, Pete.

Peter:Avada Kedavra!

[A burst of green light comes out and hits Cedric.]

Cedric:For the love of Merlin, I can’t die because I’m a vamp-

[Harry accidentally hits Cedric over the head with some garlic. Cedric collapses to the ground and doesn’t move.]

Peter:Why do you have that?

Harry:(shrugs) Thought I might get hungry.

[Harry looks at Cedric’s motionless body.]

Harry:Oh, right. (falls to knees) NO! I’LL GET (s) YOU FOR THIS, PETER!

Peter:Okay then.

[Peter picks Harry up and ties him to a grave stone. A cauldron appears]

Harry:I’m too (s) numb with disbelief to react!

Bundle:Hurry up, Pete. Vampire Diaries starts in like 40 minutes.

Peter:Right. (clears throat) “Bone of the father, unknowingly given, you will renew your son”.

[Peter summons a bone from the grave in which Harry is on top of.]

Bundle:Yeah, like I give your mum a boner last night.

Peter:(giggles) That’s hilarious!

Harry: THAT DOESN’T MAKE (s) SENSE!
[They ignore him. The bone is dropped into the cauldron. Peter takes out a knife.]

Peter:“Flesh of the servant willingly given, you will revive your master.”

[Peter cuts off his hand.]

Bundle:Yeah, master of booty.

[Peter drops his hand in the cauldron.]

Peter:(giggles) You should totally do stand-up.

Harry:PLEASE DON’T. (s) FOR THE LOVE OF MERLIN, DON’T.

[Peter and the Bundle look at him.]

Bundle:I didn’t want to (s) resort to this. Pete, get him as well.

Peter:With pleasure. “Blood of the enemy, forcibly taken, you will resurrect your foe”.

[Peter cuts Harry, who screams a rather girlish scream. He then drips the blood into the cauldron.]

Bundle:And put me in as well! This issoexciting.

[Peter drops the bundle unceremoniously into the cauldron.]

Bundle:I can’t wait I can’t wait I can’t-

[There is a booming noise and a sudden flash of bright white light. Harry and Peter both close their eyes and look away. A figure rises from the cauldron and leaps down.]

Figure:Hello Harry. (s) I’m Voldemort.

[Dramatic music.]

Scene 2:

[Draco and the gang, Ron and Hermione are all sitting in the stands.]

Ron:I’m so (s) bored.

Hermione:(snaps) Harry’s out there (s) risking his life! How can you be bored?

Ron:Because I can’t (s) see any of it!

Crabbe:Good point, Ron. (s) How come we don’t have screens or something.

Goyle:Yeah. (s) I don’t know what’s going on.

[Draco punches Crabbe and Goyle in their nether regions.]

Draco:Stop fraternising with (s) the enemy.

[Ron sticks his tongue out at Draco. Draco sticks his out back. Dramatic music.]

Scene 3:

[In the graveyard. Harry is still tied to the graveyard and Voldemort and Peter are standing about.]

Peter:You look rather fetching, Master.

Voldemort:Fetch me my wand!

Peter:(giggles) Okay.

[Peter gets a wand and hands it to Voldemort.]

Voldemort:For laughing at my jokes, you can have your hand back!

Peter:And for, you know, my life of servitude and utter obedience.

Voldemort:… yeah. Sure.

[Voldemort waves his wand. Peter’s hand comes back, but silver.]

Voldemort:Now, summon everyone!

Peter:Why is my hand silver?

Voldemort:(angry) Hey, just got resurrected. Cut me some slack, okay? So summon everyone!

Peter:Sorry, it’s been a stressful day.

Voldemort:Don’t worry, it’s been like that for everyone. Must be the weather.

Harry:Will you (s) get on with it?

Voldemort:No need to get so snappy, Potter. You’re like a turtle.

Peter:(giggles) Good one, my lord. (Touches Dark Mark) Just wait ‘til the others here about it.

[Death Eaters appear in a circle. Dramatic music.]

Scene 4:

[Hermione, Ron, and Draco and the gang are still in the stands. They all appear to be sleeping.]

Hermione:Sweet Gandalf, kill me now.

[Moody runs in.]

Moody:This is just brilliant! (Rubs hands together) Soon the Dark Lord shall rise again and I’ll no longer have to impersonate-

[Moody stares at the children. The children stare at Moody.]

Moody:(looks at bare wrist) What? Is that the time? Well, I must go and, uh, (pause) defeat the Cybermen. Bye!

[Moody runs off.]

Crabbe:If someone gave me 5 galleons I’ll set something on fire.

Ron:One galleon.

Crabbe:Deal.

[Dramatic music.]

Scene 5:

[Back in the graveyard. Voldemort and his posse are all standing in a circle, laughing. Harry is tied to a gravestone, bleeding.]

Voldemort:… and thenIsaid it’siceto meet you!

[The Death Eaters all laugh.]

Harry:(shouts) YOU’RE NOT FUNNY.

[The Death Eaters stop laughing and stare at Voldemort, clearly frightened. Voldemort turns purple.]

Voldemort: (smiles) It’s time for a duel, Potter.

[Harry stands up, the ropes binding him mysteriously disappearing.]

Harry:Let’s do (s) this.

Voldemort:Like I did your mum.

[The Death Eaters laugh and applaud.]

Harry:THAT WAS (s) HORRID!

Voldemort:Avada kedavra!

Harry:Expelliarmus!

[A red light shoots out of Harry’s wand to meet Voldemort’s own shot of green light. For some reason, this creates yellow.]

Harry:(gasps) What’s happening?

Voldemort:I- I don’t know.

[Cedric stands up, groaning, and walks over to the duel.]

Cedric:What… what happened?

Harry:(gasps) Cedric! You’re dead!

Cedric:What? No, I’m not-

Harry:(turns to Voldemort) YOU (s) BASTARD!

Voldemort:I’M NOT THE ONE WITH NO SENSE OF HUMOUR!

Cedric:Why am I holding a picture of Harry’s mother and father?

[Sure enough, he is.]

Harry:TELL ME WHAT TO (s) DO, MUM AND DAD!

[Silence.]

Harry:GOOD ADVICE! (s) VOLDEMORT!

Voldemort:That’s my name, don’t wear it out.

Harry:ZAC EFRON’S BEHIND YOU!

Voldemort:(turns around) Where?

Harry:(s) NOW!

[Harry grabs Cedric and drags him over to the Cup.]

Cedric:LET GO OF ME! I’M NOT DEAD!

Harry:I’LL TAKE YOU BACK TO YOUR PARENTS LIKE YOU ASKED ME!

Cedric:OH, YOU LITTLE SH-

[Harry accidentally knocks him over the head with a piece of garlic. Again.]

Harry:Why do I still have (s) this?

[Harry grabs the Cup and is transported from the graveyard with Cedric.]

Voldemort:Oh darn it, not again.

[Dramatic music.]

END OF EPISODE SEVENTEEN

The End

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