Woeful Wizards Goblet of Fire Episode Sixteen
[Harry and the gang are in a classroom. Harry appears to be dancing.]
Ron:Sweet moves, (s) Harry.
Harry:(s) FOR THE LAST TIME, UNDO THIS JELLY-LEGS JINX.
[Hermione casts some spell. Harry stops dancing.]
Ron:Why’d you stop dancing, (s) Harry?
[Harry swivels to Ron and stares at him intensely.]
Hermione:What’s (s) Draco doing?
[They all look out the window and see Draco and the gang huddled under a tree, looking at something.]
Harry:I (s) deduce that they’re holding a walkie talkie.
Ron:(s) I concur.
Hermione:Electronics don’t (s) work on school grounds.
[Harry and Ron looked shocked. Dramatic music.]
Ron:(s) What a convenient plot element!
[Draco and the gang are huddled under a tree. Draco is holding a beetle.]
Draco:So, you want (s) me to dish out dirt on Harry?
[The beetle nods.]
Draco:But why? Why? WHY?
[Draco falls to the ground and starts to sob.]
Crabbe:Draco, she can’t (s) talk.
Goyle:She’s in (s) beetle form.
Draco:I need to (s) have some time alone. With the beetle.
[Crabbe and Goyle nod and back away.]
Draco:Now, to tell you my (s) deepest darkest secrets.
[The beetle looks depressed. Dramatic music.]
[Harry and the gang are having breakfast in the Great Hall.]
Hermione:Harry, check out this (s) article.
[Hermione holds up the Daily Prophet. Its title reads: “DRACO MALFOY TELLS US HIS FEELS”]
Harry:How dare they (s) insult me so!
Harry:Ugh, this is (s) bugging me so!
[Hermione looks shocked.]
Harry:Who could be so (s) cruel?
Hermione:Hang on… is she an animagus? (stands up and shouts) TO THE LIBRARY!
[Hermione runs off. Ron stares after her.]
Harry:(looks around) There seems to be an absence in the air around me.
[McGonagall walks in.]
McGonagall:Potter, your family’s here to see you.
[McGonagall walks out. Harry falls to his knees.]
Harry:(eyes wet with unshed tears) They care…
[Deep and meaningful music]
[Draco is lying in a bed of anguish. Crabbe is lying one side of him and Goyle the other.]
Draco:I can’t believe I (s) sold out Harry like that.
Goyle:No, you (s) didn’t.
Draco:(sits up) DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO.
[Draco storms out. Goyle and Crabbe look confused. Dramatic music.]
[Harry is with Bill and Molly at the Entrance Hall. The other champion’s families are there as well.]
Molly:So, according to the school, we’re your family now.
[Fleur waltzes up.]
Fleur:‘Allo, ‘Arry- oh oui! Et qui est this?
Bill:(winks at Fleur) Hey there, beautiful. Come here often?
Fleur:(pouts at him) Zat depends. Do toi?
[Bill and Fleur start doing the tango together, because that is how people flirt.]
Harry:I feel (s) excluded.
[Molly hugs Harry.]
[Draco is sitting by himself in the library, reading some books.]
Draco:YOU KNOW MY (s) FEELS, STEPHENIE.
[Hermione walks in.]
Hermione:Oh, sorry, I-
Draco:I’ve been (s) looking for you.
Hermione:Me (s) too.
[Draco and Hermione lean towards each other, lips about to touch.]
Hermione:Wake up, Draco.
[Draco wakes up.]
Draco:What a (s) strange and inaccurate dream. (Looks at watch.) Oh, it’s time for the Third Task.
[Draco gets up and leaves.]
[Harry and the other champions are at the edge of the maze.]
Harry:That was a (s) wonderful meal we had.
Cedric:(sneering) Last meal for you.
Fleur:Vell, Je suis tres excited parce que j’ai eu mon premier fois avec Bill.
Cedric:Just out of curiosity, what blood type is everyone?
Cedric:(smiles) Oh, that’s nice.
[Bagman waddles up to the champions.]
Bagman:Everything good? Yes. Okay.Sonorus.
[A megaphone appears in Bagman’s hand.]
Bagman:As of now, we have Fleur on third place, Krum on second and Harry and Cedric on tied first!
Harry:Cedric! We both (s) won!
Cedric:(frowns at Harry) No, we-
[Hedwig flies away.]
Harry:Where’d she come from?
Bagman: And, go!
[All the champions enter the maze. Dramatic music.]
[Draco and the gang are standing uncomfortably in-between Ron and Hermione.]
[Awkward music. For ideas, listen to The Police.]
[Harry is in the maze, alone.]
Harry:I’m so (s) bored.
[Fleur appears out of nowhere.]
Harry:Hey Fleur, are you as (s) bored as I am?
Fleur:Tracker… jackers… Je ne can pas… breathe.
Harry:They should totally have (s) music playing.
Fleur:(gasping for breath) ‘Elp…
Harry:I might fall (s) asleep as well out of sheer boredom.
[Harry continues to walk along. Krum appears out of nowhere.]
Harry:You know, (s) for such a big maze we sure are running into each other a lot.
Harry:Hey! You (s) got past your speech impediment.
Krum:(Lunges at Harry) Urgh…
[Before Krum can touch Harry, a pale hand shoots out of nowhere and snatches Krum away. Slurping noises can be heard.]
Harry:(confused) Where’d he go?
[Cedric appears out of nowhere, some sort of red liquid smeared over his face.]
Cedric:You smell good, Harry.
Cedric:(Leans in close and inhales) Real good.
[Cedric opens his mouth, as if to bite Harry, when Harry turns at the last moment.]
Harry:(s) The Cup!
[And sure enough, there is the Cup, blazing brilliantly.]
Harry:C’mon (s) Cedric! We can do this (s) together!
[Harry starts to run to the Cup.]
Cedric:(frustrated) But I just want your blood!
[Harry reaches the Cup and just before he touches it, Cedric is suddenly right next to him.]
Harry:How- how did (s) you-
[Cedric smiles, baring his fangs.]
Cedric:Sweet dreams, Potter.
[Harry reaches out to stop Cedric’s hand and accidentally forces both of their hands to touch the Cup. They are instantly transported to a graveyard.]
Cedric:(shouts) YOU IDIOT!
END OF EPISODE SIXTEEN