Episode FifteenMature

Woeful Wizards Goblet of Fire Episode Fifteen

Scene 1:

[Harry and the gang are at the Hogwarts gym. “Eye of the Tiger” is playing in the background.]

Ron:(confused) I didn’t know we had a gym.

Hermione:(s) We don’t.

[Dramatic music.]

Harry:(claps hands) Focus guys, focus!

Hermione:(s) Why?

Harry:Because I might (s) die if we don’t practice!

Ron:But why (s) do we have to?


[Eye of the Tiger is turned up.]

Scene 2:

[Draco is holding his pie, trying to feed it other pie. Crabbe and Goyle are watching him, bored.]

Draco:Open wide for mummy, darling.

Crabbe:(in monotone) No, don’t Draco. It’s not good or something.

[Goyle stand up suddenly]

Goyle:That is (s) it!

Crabbe:(s) What?

Draco:Who’s a good pie? (starts to kiss the pie.)

Goyle:(s) THAT!

[Crabbe and Goyle stare at Draco. Draco is oblivious to them, as he is wrapped up in his own happiness.]


Draco:… yes?

Goyle:It’s us… or the pie. (s) Come on, Crabbe.

Crabbe:(looks at Draco, torn) Okay. (s) Goodbye, Draco.
[Dramatic music.]

Scene 3:

[Harry and the gang, and the rest of Gryffindor are in Divination. Trelawney is up the front.]

Trelawney:For this lesson, I’m going to read from the dictionary. But I’m going to start with “z”. Zabaglione. An Italian dessert made of whipped egg, yolks, sugar and wine. Zairean. A person from-

[Harry falls asleep and begins to snore. The Divination classroom fades out and is replaced by a dark room. In that room is Peter and a chair, in which a thing is sitting.]

Thing:You are in luck, Wormtail.

Peter:Aw, sweet.

Thing:You were able towormyour way out of this one, eh?


Peter:… I don’t understand.

Thing:(upset) FINE THEN.Crucio!

[Peter falls to the ground, writhing and screaming in agony.]

Thing:Cannotbelieveyou didn’t laugh at that.

[Foam is spilling from Peter’s mouth, who’s shaking uncontrollably.]

Thing:(upset) I wasted A-grade material on you.

[Peter vomits.]

Thing:AND OVER MY GOOD RUG AS WELL! Clean that up!

[Cuts back to Harry, clutching his scar in horror.]

Harry:(shouts) I NEED TO TELL DUMBLEDORE THAT VOLDEMORT’S BACK! (Runs out of class room.)


Trelawney:Zoroastrianism. A religion of ancient Persia based on the worship of-

[Dramatic music.]

Scene 4:

[Crabbe and Goyle are doing homework together.]

Crabbe:(s) I don’t understand!

Goyle:Well, it’s really quite simple, you take the base and then move the power over to the-

Crabbe:Why must we (s) abandon Draco in his hour of need?

Goyle:Because he’s dating a pie.


[Dramatic music.]

Scene 5:

[Harry is in Dumbledore’s office, with Moody, Fudge and *surprise* Dumbledore.]

Fudge:How are you, Harry?

Harry:FINE. (turns around and whispers) I’m lying.

Fudge:Right. Let’s go and examine a murder scene!

Moody:I’ve done this before, actually. Met a wonderful fellow who could deduce anything! Had a thing for deer stalkers, if I recall. One time, John-

[Moody and Fudge leave.]

Harry:Dumbledore, (s) come to my aid!

Dumbledore:Hush. I have to get rid of (s) this idiotic investigation. Sit tight, cherub.

[Dumbledore flounces away.]


[The Pensieve appears out of nowhere, and bumps into Harry.]

Harry:Go away, Dobby, no one likes- Ooh pretty.

[The Pensieve shoots out magic lights that look magical.]


[He does so and is transported to Dumbledore’s side, in some sort of court. There are other wizards scattered about.]

Harry:What? I don’t- oh wait I’m obviously in a memory.

[Karkaroff appears out of nowhere, covered in chains.]

Crouch:(who is there) Are you here to give (s) evidence?

Harry:(gasps) He was cool once!


Moody:What a liar!

[Harry turns around to see a younger version of Moody, fiddling with a bowtie and wearing a fez.]

Moody:Oh, hello Alby! Just look at him! (Gestures wildly at Karkaroff) No sign of remorse. He’s so… meany-weany.

Dumbledore:He can (s) change, Alastor.

Moody:For the last time, I’m not-

Karkaroff:I have (s) names!

Crouch:(s) Tell me.

Harry:So flawless…

[Mr Crouch’s son stands up.]

Karkaroff:Mr Crouch’s son!

Crouch Jr:What? No. I was just checking on- I need to get to- YOU!

[Points at Moody, who tries to look as innocent as possible.]

Moody:What? I just, uh, I’m an auror and I catch bad wizards or, you know, bad Time-

Crouch Jr:How dare you just waltz off in my place? INMYPLACE!

[Dementors, wearing fishnet stockings and an awful lot of black take Crouch Jr by each of his arms and start to drag him out.]


[Crouch Jr is hit by a Dementor, and then is dragged out.]

Moody:All fair’s in love and war.

Dumbledore:(giggles) You are devious, Alastor.

Moody:Oh, you love it.

Another Dumbledore:Harry, (s) we need to go.

[They zoom up and into Dumbledore’s office.]

Dumbledore:That was (s) the past.

[Dramatic music.]

Scene 6:

[Draco is alone on his bed, cuddling his pie.]

Draco:I love-

[Draco sniffs the air a couple of times, then looks disgusted.]

Draco:EW! (s) I’m throwing you out.

[Draco throws the pie in the bin and then rushes out.]

Pie:It’s not my fault you didn't refrigerate me.

[Dramatic music.]

Scene 7:

[Harry and Dumbledore are in Dumbledore’s office.]

Harry:So why did you think my scar (s) hurt?

Dumbledore:Aren’t you worried about the (s) way that Voldemort can access your mind?

Harry:Nope. Just the scar.

Dumbledore:It’s (s) a curse scar.

Harry:(gasps) It all makes sense! (s) Thank you, Professor. I’ll leave now.

Dumbledore:One more (s) thing, Harry?


Dumbledore:Neville’s parents were tortured to insanity by Bellatrix Lestrange. Good night.

Harry:(starts to weep) Neville…

[Rushes out the door.]

Dumbledore:But don’t tell… anyone.

[Dramatic music.]

Scene 8:

[Neville is in his bed, sleeping.]


[Suddenly, a light switches on. Neville screams and sits upright. Harry is there, staring at Neville.]


[Dramatic music.]


The End

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