Episode FourteenMature

Woeful Wizards Goblet of Fire Episode Fourteen

AN: Sorry for the late late late upload but we are back on track! Yay!

Scene 1:

[Harry and Ron are sitting and eating breakfast in the Great Hall.]

Ron:Hey, Harry?

Harry:Hmm…?

Ron:Does everyone hate or love you right now?

Harry:I- I don’t know.

[Hermione comes storming in.]

Hermione:(sassily) Look at THIS.

[Hermione throws a copy of the Daily Prophet onto the table. On it says “Melodrama and Teen Romance in the Life of Harry Potter”.]

Harry:(stands up) What slander! What (s) surprisingly accurate but still intensely infuriating slander!

Ron:Am I mentioned in it?

Hermione:No. Only me (s) and Harry.

Ron:HOW DARE (s) THEY!

[Dramatic music.]

Scene 2:

[Draco and the gang are walking out of Potions.]

Draco:So, did I miss (s) anything in Potions?

Goyle:(confused) But we were just in Potions.

Draco:Yeah, but I was (s) asleep.

[Dramatic music.]

Crabbe:Uh well, Snape just read that article Rita Skeeter wrote to the entire class. It was about (s) Potter.

Draco:Really? What was it (s) about?

Goyle:Potter’s love life.

Draco:Am I mentioned in it?

Crabbe:No. Only Granger-

Draco:(s) Dammit.

Crabbe:- and Potter.

Draco:(s) DAMMIT.

[Snape and Karkaroff appear, walking out of the closet.]

Goyle:What were (s) they doing in there?

Snape:… you need to read this, Iggy, it’s hilarious. She’s such a dumb b…

[Snape and Karkaroff leave.]

Crabbe:What could this (s) mean?

[Dramatic music.]

Scene 3:

[Harry and the gang are with Sirius in his cave.]

Harry:Looks like you might just have a (s) dark night ahead of you.

Sirius:If the authorities find me I’ll be like (s) a bat out of hell.

Hermione:Can we please (s) focus?

Harry and Sirius:(shouts) NO.

Sirius:I mean, (s) yes. Crouch has disappeared.

Ron:The green guy living in a trash can?

[Everyone stares at Ron intensely.]

Ron:I’m just going to go stand in a corner…

[He does so.]

Sirius:Anyway, Crouch was up for Minsister of Magic but then his son was a Death Eater blah blah blah lost everything… who wants tea?

Harry:(s) I do!

Hermione:But what about (s) Snape and Karkaroff?

Sirius:(s) What about them?

Hermione:They came out of the closet today (s) together.

Sirius:Well, that’s no surprise.

Hermione:No, but they were-

Harry:(angrily) Where’s that tea?

Hermione:(s) But they might be-

Sirius:Coming!

Hermione:(s) DEATH EATERS!

[Dramatic music.]

Scene 4:

[Draco is locked in his room, sobbing. Crabbe and Goyle are outside his room, worried]

Crabbe:Draco, are you (s) okay?

Draco:(s) NO.

Goyle:Would you like some (s) pie?

Draco:… what type?

Goyle:Uh, apple.

[The door bursts open. Draco rushes forward and grabs the pie.]

Draco:Oh, I (s) missed you baby.

[Romantic music.]

Crabbe:Again? Really?

Scene 5:

[Harry and the champions are with Bagman and Percy. They are at the Quidditch pitch.]

Bagman:And look! See! It is a maze.

[The champions stare at the ground.]

Bagman:Pretty a-maze-ing, eh?

[Silence.]

Bagman:(upset) Anything to add, Percy?

Percy:(angstily) I never have anything to add.

Bagman:… right. Well, may the odds be ever in your favour!

[Percy and Bagman turn around and leave.]

Fleur:Cedric, would you like some, ‘ow you say, casual sex?

Cedric:(winks at her)  As long as I get to suck your blood!

Fleur:Quoi?

Cedric:What?

[Fleur and Cedric leave. Harry and Krum stand together in an awkward silence.]

Krum:Harry?

Harry:(amazed) You can (s) talk?

Krum:I mean to declare my intentions on pursuing my romantic relationship with Hermione Jean Granger. I understand that that article is a farce and that it is not true. Hence, I require your word that this shall never occur again.

Harry:(takes Krum’s hand and puts it on his face) You have my (s) word.

Krum:(grunts) Humph.

[Suddenly Crouch bursts out of nowhere.]

Crouch:Oi, you lot! Come over here!

Harry:(astonished) Mr Crouch? Are you (s) alright?

Crouch:G’day, mate! I was just having a walkabout when I thought to meself better go check on Wetherby, the old bugger.

Harry:He’s speaking (s) gibberish.

Crouch:(starts to sing)WALTZING MATILDA, WALTZING MATILDA, I BETTER GO WARN DUMBLEDORE BECAUSE THE DARK LORD IS ON THE RISE PLEASE HELP.

Harry:Krum! (s) Stay!

[Harry runs off. Krum is left with Crouch, who he stares at.]

Crouch:Bleeding hell, I’m out of VB. HEY SHARON. SHARON. GO TO THE CORNER SHOP, WILL YA?

Krum:(touches hand to brow) I am surrounded by imbeciles.

[Suddenly Krum is knocked out by Moody, who is holding a tubular device that is glowing blue.]

Moody:Well, we can’t have that, can we?

Crouch:Well take my babies away by a dingo! It’s you.

Moody:Hello, Dad.

[Dramatic music.]

Scene 6:

[Draco and the gang are in the Slytherin dorms. Draco is hugging his pie.]

Crabbe:So are you ever going to (s) eat that?

Draco:Huh?

Goyle:Because it is food.

Draco:(s) DON’T BE SO DISGUSTING.

[Draco continues to stroke his pie. Crabbe and Goyle watch. Dramatic music.]

Scene 7:

[Harry is with Dumbledore, standing over the mangled corpse of Crouch. Krum, Hagrid and Karkaroff are there as well.]

Harry:Ouch.

Karkaroff:(s) You attacked my student, Dumbledore!

Hagrid:HOW DARE YOU!

Karkaroff:Come and get me, Tree Trunks.

Hagrid:What the phantasmagoria is this?

[Moody runs in.]

Moody:I can explain.

Dumbledore:Who could’ve (s) done this?

Moody:.. yes. Who? Or more specifically, Doctor Who? (laughs to himself).

Karkaroff:I’m (s) leaving. Come, Vicky.

[Karkaroff and Krum disappear. Hagrid shrugs and then follows them.]

Moody:Nothing suspicious about this. Obviously Crouch commited suicided. See? See? The, uh, residue of the magic photons have, um, dissolved the uh-

[Harry and Dumbledore stare at Moody]

Moody:What’s that? Someone’s calling me!

[Moody runs off.]  

 Dumbledore:(s) Harry.

Harry:Yes?

Dumbledore:(s) Nothing.

[Dumbledore canters away.]

Harry:How (s) secretive of him.

[Ron and Hermione join Harry as he walks up to the castle.]

Hermione:We heard about (s) everything.

Ron:(s) EVERYTHING.

Harry:Guys?

Ron:Yeah?

[Harry turns to face Ron and Hermione, his face glistening with tears. The wind picks up dramatically and storm clouds appear. Ron and Hermione gasp.]

Harry:(whispers) This just got personal.

END OF EPISODE FOURTEEN

The End

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