Woeful Wizards Goblet of Fire Episode Fourteen
AN: Sorry for the late late late upload but we are back on track! Yay!
[Harry and Ron are sitting and eating breakfast in the Great Hall.]
Ron:Does everyone hate or love you right now?
Harry:I- I don’t know.
[Hermione comes storming in.]
Hermione:(sassily) Look at THIS.
[Hermione throws a copy of the Daily Prophet onto the table. On it says “Melodrama and Teen Romance in the Life of Harry Potter”.]
Harry:(stands up) What slander! What (s) surprisingly accurate but still intensely infuriating slander!
Ron:Am I mentioned in it?
Hermione:No. Only me (s) and Harry.
Ron:HOW DARE (s) THEY!
[Draco and the gang are walking out of Potions.]
Draco:So, did I miss (s) anything in Potions?
Goyle:(confused) But we were just in Potions.
Draco:Yeah, but I was (s) asleep.
Crabbe:Uh well, Snape just read that article Rita Skeeter wrote to the entire class. It was about (s) Potter.
Draco:Really? What was it (s) about?
Goyle:Potter’s love life.
Draco:Am I mentioned in it?
Crabbe:No. Only Granger-
Crabbe:- and Potter.
[Snape and Karkaroff appear, walking out of the closet.]
Goyle:What were (s) they doing in there?
Snape:… you need to read this, Iggy, it’s hilarious. She’s such a dumb b…
[Snape and Karkaroff leave.]
Crabbe:What could this (s) mean?
[Harry and the gang are with Sirius in his cave.]
Harry:Looks like you might just have a (s) dark night ahead of you.
Sirius:If the authorities find me I’ll be like (s) a bat out of hell.
Hermione:Can we please (s) focus?
Harry and Sirius:(shouts) NO.
Sirius:I mean, (s) yes. Crouch has disappeared.
Ron:The green guy living in a trash can?
[Everyone stares at Ron intensely.]
Ron:I’m just going to go stand in a corner…
[He does so.]
Sirius:Anyway, Crouch was up for Minsister of Magic but then his son was a Death Eater blah blah blah lost everything… who wants tea?
Harry:(s) I do!
Hermione:But what about (s) Snape and Karkaroff?
Sirius:(s) What about them?
Hermione:They came out of the closet today (s) together.
Sirius:Well, that’s no surprise.
Hermione:No, but they were-
Harry:(angrily) Where’s that tea?
Hermione:(s) But they might be-
Hermione:(s) DEATH EATERS!
[Draco is locked in his room, sobbing. Crabbe and Goyle are outside his room, worried]
Crabbe:Draco, are you (s) okay?
Goyle:Would you like some (s) pie?
Draco:… what type?
[The door bursts open. Draco rushes forward and grabs the pie.]
Draco:Oh, I (s) missed you baby.
[Harry and the champions are with Bagman and Percy. They are at the Quidditch pitch.]
Bagman:And look! See! It is a maze.
[The champions stare at the ground.]
Bagman:Pretty a-maze-ing, eh?
Bagman:(upset) Anything to add, Percy?
Percy:(angstily) I never have anything to add.
Bagman:… right. Well, may the odds be ever in your favour!
[Percy and Bagman turn around and leave.]
Fleur:Cedric, would you like some, ‘ow you say, casual sex?
Cedric:(winks at her) As long as I get to suck your blood!
[Fleur and Cedric leave. Harry and Krum stand together in an awkward silence.]
Harry:(amazed) You can (s) talk?
Krum:I mean to declare my intentions on pursuing my romantic relationship with Hermione Jean Granger. I understand that that article is a farce and that it is not true. Hence, I require your word that this shall never occur again.
Harry:(takes Krum’s hand and puts it on his face) You have my (s) word.
[Suddenly Crouch bursts out of nowhere.]
Crouch:Oi, you lot! Come over here!
Harry:(astonished) Mr Crouch? Are you (s) alright?
Crouch:G’day, mate! I was just having a walkabout when I thought to meself better go check on Wetherby, the old bugger.
Harry:He’s speaking (s) gibberish.
Crouch:(starts to sing)WALTZING MATILDA, WALTZING MATILDA, I BETTER GO WARN DUMBLEDORE BECAUSE THE DARK LORD IS ON THE RISE PLEASE HELP.
Harry:Krum! (s) Stay!
[Harry runs off. Krum is left with Crouch, who he stares at.]
Crouch:Bleeding hell, I’m out of VB. HEY SHARON. SHARON. GO TO THE CORNER SHOP, WILL YA?
Krum:(touches hand to brow) I am surrounded by imbeciles.
[Suddenly Krum is knocked out by Moody, who is holding a tubular device that is glowing blue.]
Moody:Well, we can’t have that, can we?
Crouch:Well take my babies away by a dingo! It’s you.
[Draco and the gang are in the Slytherin dorms. Draco is hugging his pie.]
Crabbe:So are you ever going to (s) eat that?
Goyle:Because it is food.
Draco:(s) DON’T BE SO DISGUSTING.
[Draco continues to stroke his pie. Crabbe and Goyle watch. Dramatic music.]
[Harry is with Dumbledore, standing over the mangled corpse of Crouch. Krum, Hagrid and Karkaroff are there as well.]
Karkaroff:(s) You attacked my student, Dumbledore!
Hagrid:HOW DARE YOU!
Karkaroff:Come and get me, Tree Trunks.
Hagrid:What the phantasmagoria is this?
[Moody runs in.]
Moody:I can explain.
Dumbledore:Who could’ve (s) done this?
Moody:.. yes. Who? Or more specifically, Doctor Who? (laughs to himself).
Karkaroff:I’m (s) leaving. Come, Vicky.
[Karkaroff and Krum disappear. Hagrid shrugs and then follows them.]
Moody:Nothing suspicious about this. Obviously Crouch commited suicided. See? See? The, uh, residue of the magic photons have, um, dissolved the uh-
[Harry and Dumbledore stare at Moody]
Moody:What’s that? Someone’s calling me!
[Moody runs off.]
[Dumbledore canters away.]
Harry:How (s) secretive of him.
[Ron and Hermione join Harry as he walks up to the castle.]
Hermione:We heard about (s) everything.
[Harry turns to face Ron and Hermione, his face glistening with tears. The wind picks up dramatically and storm clouds appear. Ron and Hermione gasp.]
Harry:(whispers) This just got personal.
END OF EPISODE FOURTEEN