[Harry is in the Gryffindor common room with the rest of the Gryffindors, clutching the egg. Everyone is happy.]
Fred:Three cheers for the Gryffindor!
George:He only has to win two more!
[Everyone cheers and claps.]
Ron:I- I just want to say- that I- I…
Harry:I know what you are trying to say. And since you can’t say it, we’ll sing it. (s) Together.
Ron:(Puts arms around Harry’s shoulders) … okay.
Harry:I know the world can see us
Ron:In a way that’s different from who we are
Harry:Creating space between us
Ron:‘til we’re separate hearts…
Harry:WE’RE BREAKING FREE!
Harry and Ron:(together) THERE’S NOT A STAR IN HEAVEN THAT WE CAN’T REACH.
Ron: So, when do you want to start singing?
Ron:(s) Am I forgiven?
[They stare deeply into each other’s eyes. Friendship music drifts in the background.]
Dean:You guys do know you’re in a crowded room of like twenty people, right?
Harry:(glares and swivels at Dean) What do you want?
Dean:(looks at ground) To join in.
Hermione:Harry! (s) Open the egg!
Sean:Yeah! DO IT BRO!
Harry:Okay, okay. (s) Here we go!
[Harry lifts the egg over his head and opens it. “You Don’t Know You’re Beautiful” blasts out. Everyone screams and covers their ears. There would be dramatic music, but the song plays over it.]
[Draco and the gang are in the Slytherin dorms. The music can be heard in the background.]
Goyle:Sounds like a hippogriff got caught in an autotune machine.
[Crabbe is singing and dancing along to the music, shaking his hips.]
[In the Gryffindor common room. The egg is still open.]
Harry:(trying to close it) I CAN’T-
[He closes it and the music stops
Harry:What does this (s) mean?
Hermione:It means, Harry, (s) STUDY.
[Hermione places her hands on her hips as a trumpet sounds in the background.]
Ron:(groans) See, this is why I wasn’t hanging out with you guys.
Hermione:(shrugs) Whatever, I’m excited.
[Draco and the gang are all dressed up, ready for the Yule Ball. They are walking to the Great Hall.]
Crabbe:So, who are you taking, Draco?
Draco:(sneers) Pansy. I asked Her- I mean Fleur out but she was already going with Diggory.
Crabbe:(looks crestfallen) Oh. Okay. (s to Goyle) Want to go to the Yule Ball with me?
Goyle:(pauses) Sure. Why not?
[Crabbe and Goyle hold hands and skip away. Draco looks shocked. Pansy approaches.]
Pansy:You ready to go, hotshot?
[Draco and Pansy troop off to the Great Hall.]
[Harry is with Pavarati, lined up with the other champions and their partners, behind Cedric and Cho.]
Harry:(leans forward sweating slightly) Hi Cho.
Cho:Do I (s) know you?
[Cedric and Cho laugh at something together.]
Harry:(tear rolls down his cheek and whispers) I can’t believe she said no to going with me.
Cedric: So, then Moody was all like, “Try putting it under water” so I went to the prefects’ bathroom, popped it under water and viola, I could hear it fine.
Harry:Is that how you (s) solved the egg? Cheers!
Cedric:I didn’t know you were listening, you little sh-
Pavarati:(s and points) WOW!
[Hermione enters, dressed a little skankily. Romantic music. Harry gazes up at her.]
Harry:Hermione, you look (s) gorgeous.
Hermione:(blushes sweetly/sexily) Thank you.
[Krum comes along and takes her by the elbow.]
Hermione:(giggles) On we go, then.
[In the background, all can be seen is a slightly unfocused red head, glaring at Hermione and Krum. McGonagall bursts in.]
McGonagall:(drunk) CHILDREN! Children. I mean wizards. Whatever. Inside, now.
Harry:(s) Professor, is there a law against tartan robes?
McGonagall:What? No. ‘Course not. You must dance for that. You all must dance.
[McGonagall totters away, swaying slightly and hiccupping.]
Harry:Okay. (takes a deep breath) Let’s face the music, shall we?
[Harry looks around to find that he is alone.]
[Harry rushes into the Great Hall. Dramatic music.]
[Draco is staring miserably at everyone dance at the Yule Ball. Pansy is beside him, asleep. Crabbe and Goyle come over, laughing.]
Crabbe:Oh, I’m having (s) so much fun.
Goyle:You’re such a great (s) dancer!
Draco:(sighs) What do you two want?
Goyle:To dance with (s) our best friend.
Draco:(stands up) Well, you should have thought of that (s) before.
Goyle:Before (s) what?
Crabbe:There’s free food in it if you dance with us.
Draco: (quickly) Deal.
[Friendship music. They all start dancing.]
[Harry is in the bathtub, with the egg.]
Harry:Right, here goes (s) nothing.
[Harry opens it and “One Thing” or whatever it’s called starts playing.]
[Harry shuts it quickly. Myrtle enters.]
Harry:My Merlin, Myrtle, you’re so depressing.
Myrtle:(points to egg.) I would try opening it under water if I were you.
Harry:(sulkily) Fine. I’ll try that.
[Harry puts the egg under water and opens it. Sweet music can just be heard.]
Harry;(still sulkily) I can’t hear anything.
Myrtle:Put your head under as well, dear.
[Harry does, and stays under there for a good few minutes. Myrtle stands there, humming to herself and politely looking at the ceiling.]
Harry:I’ve (s) got it! It said, “The merpeople in the lake are going to steal your people and then hide so you better become a fish or something or maybe try the Bubblehead charm or like a shark’s good as well.” What could this (s) mean?
Myrtle:(shrugs) I don’t know, I’m dead.
[Myrtle leaves by floating through the wall. Harry stares after her. Dramatic music.]
[In the Gryffindor common room. Hermione and Ron are just back from the Yule Ball.]
Hermione:How was your evening, Ron?
Ron:(shouts) OH MY MERLIN HERMIONE HOW DARE YOU EVEN SO MUCH AS LOOK AT ANOTHER MAN BESIDES ME OR HARRY AND CANNOT BELIEVE YOU.
Hermione:(shouts back) WELL NEXT TIME THERE IS A DANCE, ASK ME YOURSELF.
[Ron is gobsmacked. Hermione leaves in a fluster. Dramatic music.]
Ron:(whistles) Wow, she IS hot now.
[Harry enters, wrapped in a towel and carrying the egg.]
Harry:Hey, so weirdest thing happened when I was coming back from my bath.
Ron:Was it (s) true love?
Harry:What? No. I bumped into Moody. My leg was trapped, see, and Filch was right there-
Ron:(s) I need some time alone.
Harry: (s) I might die this year. Again.
[Harry and Ron stare at each other mournfully.]
Ron:We need a (s) movie night.
[And then they put on face masks, ate popcorn, and stayed up til 2 AM watching Legally Blonde and Legally Blonde 2.]
END OF EPISODE TWELVE