[Harry and the gang are in the Entrance Hall. There is noise of thunder and rain which sounds like someone saying “Boom” and “pitter-patter” alternately.]
Ron:It’s so (s) wet and rainy outside.
[Peeves floats in.]
Hermione:I know, it’s (s) horrible.
Peeves:More horrible than being dead?
Hermione:(swivels to Peeves) Pardon? I didn’t quite catch that.
Peeves:You are not truly wet. You have never been drowned with the guilt of your past actions, actions you can still see the consequences of but never partake in. You shall never be constantly underwater, life passing by and you can almost touch it but yet you can only observe. To symbolise this, I’m going to throw this water balloon at you.
[Peeves throws a water balloon at Harry and the gang. They get wet.]
Harry and the gang:(althogether and cheerily) OH, PEEVES.
[Peeves runs away, sobbing.]
Ron:That guy is hilarious.
[McGonagall enters, guiding children to the Great Hall]
McGonagall:(neutrally) Into the Great Hall now, kids.
Harry:(s) Professor McGonagall! I haven’t seen you in ages! How are you?
McGonagall:(same tone) Keep moving, people.
Harry:I had (s) SO much fun. I went to the-
[An apple suddenly appears in Harry’s mouth. McGonagall is pointing her wand at him.]
Harry:(trying to continue speaking) Nnnfpk.
McGonagall:(icily) Now move it, Potter.
[Harry is guided by his gang to the Great Hall.]
[Draco and the gang are at the Slytherin table. Crabbe and Goyle are talking animnatedly. Draco looks bored and stares off into space.]
Crabbe:-but he doesn’t tell Leslie that he’s going to the art gallery with the teacher, so she goes to-
Goyle:OH I GET IT NOW!
Crabbe:Such a (s) good movie.
Draco:(stands up suddenly) WHAT IS THIS ATROCITY?
[Scene cuts to Harry, still being led by Hermione and Ron, with the apple in his mouth.]
Draco:(shakes fist) I THOUGHT WE HAD AN AGREEMENT. I THOUGHT WE HAD A TRUCE.
Crabbe:What’s the matter, (s) sweetie?
Draco:THE WHORE, THAT’S THE MATTER.
Goyle:Draco, you have (s) us.
Draco: (turns away from them with tears streaming down his face) Sometimes I don’t think that’s enough.
[Crabbe and Goyle gasp. Dramatic music.]
[In the Great Hall. The students and staff are quietly chatting to themselves. Dumbledore canters in and the talking ceases immediately. Dumbledore leaps up to that pedestal thing, leans against it with one fish-netted leg up, and proceeds to speak.]
Dumbledore:Welcome (s) back. I hope we all had quite productive summers.
Fred:I hope he means reproductive.
George:Or even quite destructive.
Dumbledore:I, alas (raises hand to forehead) have some terrible news. It is horrific, but necessary. It is fatal, but life-saving. It is-
Snape:Get to the point, Alby.
Dumbledore:(turns sharply to Snape) When I am ready, SEVERUS. (Turns back to his audience) It will be hideous, but beautiful.
Snape:That’s it. (stands up) No Quidditch this year.
[Chaos breaks out, as well as several fires.]
Dumbledore:(Glares at Snape) See what you did?
Harry:(Tearing hair out) MY IDENTITY.
[There is a “VWORP VWORP” noise in the background, but it remains unnoticed.]
Ron:(Clutching Hermione’s shirt and shaking her vigorously) HOW AM I GOING TO ADMIRE HARRY’S ATHLETICISM NOW?
[Moody enters the room and regards the scene in front of him.]
Crabbe:DRACO, PLEASE. (s) STOP ROLLING ON THE FLOOR.
Draco:(from floor) NEVER.
Moody:(raises hands, one holding a certain tubular device) SILENCE!
[Everyone stops what they are doing and turn to face Moody.]
Moody:Well, well, well I think that (realises what he has in his hand) oops. (Puts the device into his coat pocket) That’s- that’s not important. Ignore that.
Dumbledore:(fondly) Ah, Alastor. Allow me to (s) introduce you. Students, this is my old friend and your new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor Moody!
[Dumbledore gestures to Moody. There are a few scattered claps.]
Moody:Molto bene! That’s Italian, just by the way. I’ve been to Italy. Pompei, actually. (strokes his ear) Bit of hot day, that was. (puts hands in pockets) Right, then. I’m just going to go sit down, shall I?
[Moody goes to sit next to Snape, who sneers at him. Dumbledore resumes speaking.]
Dumbledore:However, (s) the reason for this tragedy is because we’re hosting the legendary, the hip, and the ever so fabulous, Triwizard Tournament.
[Dramatic music. There is a short pause of silence.]
[Everyone starts laughing. Tears are running down cheeks. People cannot contain their mirth. Dumbledore laughs the hardest, and is soon on the floor doubled over.]
Dumbledore:(still on floor and gasping for breath) Fred Weasley, (s) you are just too much! In all seriousness, the Triwizard Tournament is a competition involving Hogwarts and two other wizarding schools. This contest was considered very dangerous with an extremely high death toll. I cannot even begin to describe the scenes of unimaginable horror which occurred because of it. So we decided to start it up again!
[Everyone cheers and claps.]
Dumbledore:And the two lucky schools with us this year are: (pauses to look at an envelope that had appeared in his hand) Beauxbatons and Durmstang.
[Everyone claps politely.]
Dumbledore:And of course, you must be 17 years old or older to enter. Bedtime! (s) Chop-chop!
[Crabbe and Goyle are just outside the boys bathroom. Crying can be heard from inside.]
Crabbe:Draco? We know (s) you’re inside.
Goyle:Could you come out? We’re… worried.
Draco:(from inside the bathroom) GO AWAY.
Goyle:We can (s) talk about it.
Draco:(still from inside) WELL I DON’T WANT TO.
Crabbe:I have (s) chocolate. (He holds up a bag)
[There is a pause. Draco opens the door a little, sees the chocolate and then snatches it off of Crabbe.]
Draco:(from inside the bathroom) You can go now.
Goyle:Then I guess we’re going to have to listen to (s) One Direction all by ourselves, without Draco.
[There is a pause. Draco slowly opens up the door and comes out. He has obviously been crying.]
END OF EPISODE FIVE