Why?

Something that has been bothering me since I figured out the curse. Some may be my name, but what else is there? Also, this story is about me, my thoughts. Um, feel free to judge me, um what I am. Am I insane, or just acting, yea. That's it, insane or acting.

It never occurred to me that I could be cursed, then I read a description of my name online. It seemed to relate to me fairly well, if not, exactly on point. After that day I seemed to have been able to prove more and more that my name fits me to a tee. I predict things, get shunned and end up being right. Kassandra. No, Cassandra. Yes, that is my name. Though it was not my birth name, being adopted and all, um no. Too much information, none the less. I want answers, if this was not my birth name why does it describe me so well. And if you wouldn't mind, do you happen to know the meaning of Darlinda? I can't seem to find it. Anyway, so my name if you've looked it up is exactly what it seems. A gift and curse indeed. Though, it is only when I am sure of myself that it tends to come true, whether I like it or not.

But, what about my moods. Loneliness, that's common right. Remember my profile, how I put unpredictable, I meant unstable. Now I have those chills again, I get little panic attacks when I feel I'm losing something close to me. Or am I longing too hard? ... I'm sorry  I had to pause to rub my arms, so cold. I don't force myself to cry in fact  I hold back my tears, but I'm sure I'm going to have to cry sometime. Though why does it always happen at the wrong time. And aren't you suppose to feel better when you cry? It always makes me feel worse and longing for that sweet gateway, where does the gateway lead.  I don't know. Could be anywhere. I could follow it and end up right back where I am. Wouldn't fuzz me one bit. I get scolded when I bottle my emotions, but I can't help it. It's like an addiction. Am I a sadist? I don't know, heck I don't really know anything anymore. Every time I try to think hard about myself I just end up confused. It angers me, then I get more confused as to why I should even be angry, then end up scolding myself for acting like a child.

I follow my own orders, I've been told to talk about myself. Blech! I hate talking about  myself, well talking about myself and knowing it is being sent in to be graded. I always end up lying on those things, just to please them. ( That and I guess I'm afraid of being put in an insane asylum. I find it pointless, like they would be able to change. How do we know they aren't lying. Every crazy person could be a genius, but they're so damn different we don't notice. ) Do I give credit to the murderers? No, only one person. The mass murderers? Yes congratulations you've gotten that far Kudos, other then that, you fail because you got caught. You underestimated your enemy. Let your guard down.

I get off topic, as you may have noticed.

The End

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