Sophie and Jack began to speak over eachother's sniffles.
Sophie burst forth with an explanation as Jack yelled his defense over her piercing voice.
"But he said you would say it was okay so I said okay because I thought it would be okay!"
"You told me I could make myself breakfast as long as I didn't use the stove and I didn't use the stove. Why are you so maad moom?"
"Be quiet, the both of you," said Sarah as she stood up to rinse the dishcloth, "Or I will remove the T.V. from the house, your video games..."
Both children stopped emitting noise, to the best of their ability. This resulted in them holding their breaths and puffing out their cheeks. They looked like they might combust if Sarah didn't take back her threat.
"...and the computer."
Sophie let out her breath with a long raspberry noise.
Jack immediatley dissolved into giggles.
Great, thought Sarah, my own children can't even take me seriously.
Suddenly the oddest noise hit Sarah's ears. It sounded like a gurgling. Sophie and Jack were busy laughing and comparing fart noises at ear-spliting levels but, no, it was definitely not coming from them. The gurgling turned into a hacking, and then a wretching.
Oh no. The fricking dog.
Sarah scooped up Mops and turned around in circles, frantically searching for somewhere to put him and his impending pancake batter barf. Sofa, counter, sink..?
Sarah threw the dog into the sink, on top of the two bowls full of milky water and floating wheetabix bits.
Up came the pancake batter, Mops' kibble and what looked like undigested bits of Smarties all over the sink's contents, and all over Mops' paws.
"Why the f**k", yelled Sarah, "did I DO THAT?"
Sarah and Jack immediatley stopped laughing and stared, slack jawed, at their foul-mouthed mother.
"Sh*t. Sorry. I mean sugar. Sorry," Sarah stammered. "Go upstairs and brush your teeth, I'll be up in a minute to help you two get dressed."
Sophie and Jack stood and stared, still in shock and obvious amusement at Sarah's verbal slip up.
"NOW!" said Sarah in desperation as Mops began to whine, still stewing in his own vomit and her earlier attempt at breakfast in the kitchen sink.
Jack looked at Sohpie with that playful smile Sarah so dreaded seeing this early in the day.
"Raaace!" yelled Jack, and they were off, up the hardwood stairs in sock feet. I wonder which one will fall first, thought Sophie, secretly hoping both of them fall hard enough to become bed ridden for a few days.
Sarah plucked the pancake batter, vomit, and wheetabix covered dog out of the sink and tied him to his rope in the backyard, seriously hoping that no neighbours would notice the state he was in. The last thing she needed was animal services knocking on her door.
But maybe they would take the dog and the kids, thought Sarah. Like a three for the price of one deal.
Sarah started washing warm water around the sink, prodding chunks of dog barf and cereal down the drain.
Hah, wishful thinking.
"I'll hose him off later," she said aloud to herself. "God. I agreed to let Ben and the kids have a dog and I'm the only one that has to deal with f*cking things like this. Then again, I agreed to make babies with Ben. I'm the one that pushed them out of my frickin vagina and now I'm the only one that has to deal with pancake parties and fart noise competitions."
Sh*t. I'm talking to myself, aren't I?
Sarah looked down at her arms as the last of the breakfast and barf combo swirled down the sink. Little bits of the sink's contents were spattered up to her elbow.
Wonderful. I need another shower.