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Through new eyes

    But the house closed itself around her. The ticking of the clock was loud again above the roaring in her ears and in her mind, like the drag of surf on a beach. It interfered, it made her heart want to beat faster and faster and she was light-headed, her chest heavy and heaving. There seemed to be no air, or if there was she couldn't use it, was panting, drowning under that roaring sea.

    Her legs were shaky, but she felt that she had to move, had to move or else she would die. Her thoughts were sped up, disjointed, like a dismembered jigsaw: Fractured nonsense, her only clarity the need to escape.

    Outside there was air, there was coolness. She wanted it.

    She stepped out into the street, closing the gate behind her and began to walk. Her legs were weak at first but she forced them to carry her, past houses alien and strange. Past gardens familiar and yet different from before. They, this place, this town had ceased to be a sanctuary. What was once sweet was soured, what had seemed friendly was now forbidding and watchful.

    Sounds came to her, seeming to fall into a pattern. They were removed from her, echoing; the bark of a dog, the slam of a car door, a young child's shout of pain. They rattled in her mind, clacking together in weird harmonics, the sky darker, another weight there in the heavy clouds.

    The physical exertion helped her gradually overcome her panic. She had entered the park and now reached the top of the hill, feeling the last of that terrible weakness ebb as the cool breeze rubbed her cheeks and ruffled through her hair. 

    Alice closed her eyes.

    I can face this, she thought. I won't give in. I won't let them scare me. Not any more; not when I did escape, when I did get away. He, they, won't have me again. The Alice they knew is not here.

    I won't win by running.

    Running I did, and it hasn't worked. I can run and run but I will be found, run again be found again.

    It's time I did something of my own. He - they - act and I react. That's the way it was, but it doesn't need to be so now.

    "Time to be clever," she said aloud. "Time to plan."

    Let him be the one to run.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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70 COMMENTS ABOUT THIS STORY RSS

protagonize: author profile thumbnail for somebodysomeday83 "All though I haven't got time to read through any stories on here at the moment (as I'm in the middle of moving house), I've just had a read through your branch. I like it! How you've summarised the situation, and given her a straight-out goal. Well-written and thought out. Look forward to reading the next chapter :-)"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for somebodysomeday83 "Lol, ditto. Some writer's take great-offence to criticism, but without it where would be? I certainly have room-for-improvement.

Look forward to reading your next chapters. I'm in the middle of moving house at the moment, so I won't be adding anything for the next week!
"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for seldom "I am unoffendable. Say whatever you want lol.

:D involved in the storyline. So am I.

phew

- wipes fevered brow, reinserts monocle.
"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for somebodysomeday83 "lol, well that's what happens with rush-jobs. I agree with the dog comment, could have been better! I think the problem for 'me' with adding branches, is that I always feel pressured to get them written. As if I'm being timed or something, lol. And by the time I post them I'm soo tired, the works not always up-to-scratch. I think if you look through all of the chapters, you can tell when I've got lazy!

It's soo hot I agree, boiling!! No need to rush the next chapter, I won't add anymore, I need a break, and am looking forward to reading more from you :-)

Hope you weren't offended when I said I wouldn't have brought the man in so early. It was only because you asked my opinion, and have become waaay too involved in the storyline lol. Hence needing a break.



SS
"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for somebodysomeday83 "If you don't like it just let me know, I can delete it. I need a break for a couple of days, hence getting this written now while I have the chance!

Let me know if you don't like it!!
"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for somebodysomeday83 "Bit of a rush-job, sorry, if you don't like it just let me know!! I was trying to get back the suspense, but it's real late her and am knackered, and no doubt will probably cringe at this in the morning lol."
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for somebodysomeday83 "Honestly? I like it! I probably wouldn't have introduced him at this point (only because I think the suspense we've got going on is great :)) but it's good-stuff and follows on nicely.

It's a bummer that you can't copy and paste.

Not too overdone no, I can see Carol in my mind's eye, you've painted her well! :-)
"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for seldom "Cheers :) Hopefully not too overdone. I can't overcome the copy-paste problem so I'm still having to type everything directly onto the site. Have followed instructions but it's not worked so far. Will have another go.

Do you think I introduced him too soon? We still haven't seen him tho.
"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for somebodysomeday83 "You've got the nosey-neighbour down to the T! lol. Well-written, I like it."
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for somebodysomeday83 "That's done the trick! Thanks :-)"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for surreal78 "You may need to clear your cache for the fonts/styles to be updated.. depends on your browser, but usually a left-shift the refresh button (or CTRL-F5) will force reload the page."
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for somebodysomeday83 "I agree Seldom, Other authors DO influence mood and style. I had to laugh at something a friend once said though, when discussing being a writer and I happened to mention that reading other people's work rubs-off; he said...

"So then, why don't you just write in the same style as a best-selling author"!!! HAHAHA. How hilarious.

Tit-bits rub-off, but that's about it! No author has the same style, nor can they copy another writer's style. It's just not possible, I told my friend. It's an interesting idea to 'adapt' to another writer's style on here for instance, for fun; but Jackie Collins is never going to write like P.D James, is she! ;)

I'm with you on the mood thing, I wrote the Josh chapter when I was in particularly dark mood ;)
"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for somebodysomeday83 "Thanks Nick :-) The font doesn't seem to have changed, but thanks for removing the extra word! It was really niggling at me, lol.

I need to edit my branches 100% before posting; but that's just me all over, I'm impulsive and impatient :)
"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for seldom "You only ever see those after you've posted. Happens to me a LOT. I think you notice yourself more than others do tho (I hope).

About the different styles. I'm just easily influenced by whatever I happen to be reading at the time - sighs. I can almost tell what I was reading when I wrote something, even if it was ages ago.

:)
"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for somebodysomeday83 "Italics are missing as is the bold print, problem when copying and pasting it! Also -

'The woman's eyes were dark and ambigious eyes'

... this sentence wanted the last word scrapping!! :-)
"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for somebodysomeday83 "Thanks Seldom. I've just read your story 'Stupid' you have a real talent to adapt to different styles. You have a lot of ideas, and ways of expressing your moods. Never the same, reading your work is like sticking my fingers into a pick and mix bag!

I'm looking forward to reading your next chapter (or two lol)

:-)
"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for seldom "have checked out your profile - v posh desk. Am impressed!
My desk is held together with tape.
Ok - we'll remain immature ;)
"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for somebodysomeday83 "Having been side-tracked by adding a profile lol, I'm now setting-to-work!!

P.S, it's ocurred to me what you're profile pic reminds me of!... From a thumb-nail view, it looks a bit like the puppet from the movie 'The Saw' lol :))
"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for somebodysomeday83 "lol, we are aren't we!! Well, you started it by making her afraid of the box. People who are afraid are usually afraid for a reason ;) Fear is a great driving point for any story I think, but then I am a big fan of the horror genre :) I'm going to get the next chapter written now. Don't worry there'll be no sexual references in it, so we should be alright in the catergory we're in!"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for seldom "wow poor Alice, we're really putting her through the wringer!

maybe we need to ask Nick if he'll change it to mature :0

good stuff, can't wait to see the rest
"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for somebodysomeday83 "Think that's worked! It's only short I know, because am soo tired, and spent waaay too much time thinking about the ins and outs of the story, and where it could go. Have got the next chapter all planned out but it's late here now (considering my sleep pattern's screwed lol) and I need to catch up on some sleep so will post the next chapter tomorrow :-) Then it's your turn lol. You'll owe me two chapters haha."
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for somebodysomeday83 "Grr, for some reason it's not letting me add the next chapter!! And I'm literally so tired I could fall asleep right here at my lap top! lol. I've got one chapter written and the next one all jotted down from an hour's brainstorming session lol. I'll post it when I wake up tomorrow, because I've already tried to post it three times tonight and one more failure's going to result in my putting my fist through the computer screen. lol."
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for seldom ":D"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for somebodysomeday83 "I've just been brain-storming lol. I think I've sussed a way to incorporate the next chapter :) I'll post it shortly!"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for somebodysomeday83 "Right I'm going to get to it now! ;)"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for seldom "Nor did I. Weid set up. Been on a few forums for different things, normally you just have a private message box or something.
Wonder if they're planning something like that here.
Still a relatively new site so I think they're continually tinkering with it.
Want to see your new chapter (hint hint);)
"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for somebodysomeday83 "lol :) I didn't realise that messages go directly to our email addresses? I thought they'd be visible in our notifications! Sorry lol."
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for seldom "doh! Stone floor! lol"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for somebodysomeday83 "okay will do, have got visitors at the moment, but am going to get to some serious writing later on! Watch this space :)"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for seldom "hey found em all. That's an old email address and gets unbelievable clogged with ads. Should have opened a new one to come here I guess. But every day I have to sift through about 100 odd ads etc. My inbox has something like 9000 mails! I peridiodically delete but obviously not often enough!

Want to do the next bit SS? please do. would be cool :)
"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for somebodysomeday83 "p.s have sent you a message."
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for somebodysomeday83 "lol, I know the feeling, I'm exactly the same. Always scrutinising my work, and editing the hell out of it. When I initially joined last week, and wrote the branch to your story, I was under the impression that time was of the essence. Even for the second branch I wrote. Because of that little message that pops up 'Hurry, somebody else may be adding to the story at the same time, first one who finishes wins!' lol, or something along those lines.
Looking back on it I've winced at a couple of things I wrote. Particularly the teddy bear with the get well soon tag around it's neck :) Just didn't sound right. I usually come back to what I've written a day later, refreshed, and then edit it. It's a different ball-game here. Unless you write it in Word before hand, and don't rush yourself.
Sorry I didn't initially pick up on the paranoia, my sister had popped around and I was having to read over a busy discussion. Yep, I like it!! it's carried on the theme nicely :)
I'll await your response to see what you want to do with it, as you've said you're giving it a once-over. Most importantly it's what you think that counts!! You're worried it doesn't fit right? But I could say the same with my branches! ;)
"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for seldom "Now I think I've missed something. Might have to print the whole thing out and read it from top to bottom. Lol I'm always doing this. I'm always having to go back and edit stuff because I get caught up in describing a scene.

If you want to carry on adding stuff SS, I can delete this if you don't think it fits? and write another. what say?
"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for seldom "Hey cheers,

didn't forget, both can happen at once - frosty relations with neighbours as well as a past. Maybe am steering it to a darker place than you were going? not sure. Was trying to depict paranoia - maybe she thinks her friends could have been contacted by someone in her past - ref the 'puppet' - someone who recruits others? but it's the photo of her house that makes her think of that house and that time. Maybe the next part could be some contact with a friend calling round and her being all suspicious? watching them for clues etc. What do you think?
Anyway, if you would like to add - which I would love if you did :)
the ball would be in your court to take it where you like.

wasn't sure about it generally - was trying to use the devices you brought in and used so effectively - the voice and so on - the ticks and wasn't sure I did so good at it lol.
"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for somebodysomeday83 "So you've given an insight into her past. The house. I like the voice which shows Alice tussling with her long-term guilt. It also gives us a flash of what's on the horizon. The only thing which I'm wondering about, is that I implied in an earlier chapter (branch) that something, an incident had happened recently that's caused her neighbours Carol and Glenn to fall out with her. Sorry lol. There's several ways we can get around this though so it's no problem.
Perhaps recently something has happened to remind Alice of the past, of the house, and that's why she was on edge when the box arrived on her door step? Maybe because of this incident (reminder), Alice hasn't been herself and this has been reflected in some way by her getting on the wrong side of her neighbours?
You say you're not sure about the chapter, why is this?
"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for seldom "hmmm, not sure. any feedback?"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for seldom "Lol have not read it!

I used to try an odd thing walking along a street. I'd imagine myself much further up it, visualise the entire thing, the passers-by, everything. And then when i finally got to there I'd have a weird deja-vous - that the people who were passing me where the ones I'd imagined.

Possible madness brought on by frustration brought on by the unreasonably long long long streets we have in abundance near where I live ;-)
"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for somebodysomeday83 "I tried it out actually once, during a game of cards. I couldn't think of a specific hand, just a class of hand (three of a kind, a straight, a high triple) and sure enough it worked.Three times on the bash I got what I'd pictured in my head. However, I couldn't bring myself to try for a forth. Something at the back of my mind told me it wasn't going to happen, that it was just a case of luck. And as I wanted to believe otherwise, I quit-while-I-was-ahead. Thus leaving me with a flicker of hope :) ... and if you've not read Rhonda Byrne's 'The Secret' then that will have just meant nothing to you lol."
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for somebodysomeday83 "The reality v perception tussle reminds me of an interesting theory from a book called 'The Secret'. A most delicious, and also frightening ideal, of which I think there's some truth in, whether it be simply a case of will-power prevails, to that of negativity roots us to the spot and hence those who are positive travel further. Perhaps it's true. Think about something enough, really believe in it, and you make it happen. On the other hand, as we do most of our thinking on a subconscious level, it's rather a frightening thought."
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for somebodysomeday83 "It conjures to mind the film 'Vanilla Sky'. I agree that it could do with some closure, but it's a damned good build-up to a climax. I don't think it should be screeched to a halt though, a lot can be done with it. You've left it open to many possibilities."
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for seldom "lol cheers. It's missing something tho - I have been told before.
It needs a different ending - more added - so it becomes clearer.

I suppose I think we need to see what's real.

Only when youre talking about perception and reality and subjectivity - how do you show it? because anything can be the truth and anything a lie, it's what you choose to see whether you know it or not. kind of like the Lucid Dream stuff DrPinch is writing.
"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for somebodysomeday83 "Just read the print off of your other story 'Oracle', while tucked-up in bed last night. Great-stuff! You really captured the atmosphere, and built up the moment."
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for somebodysomeday83 "lol"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for seldom "argh - that box. i couldn't stand the tension :-0"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for DrPinch "Was enjoying the tension of this, but think you opened the box too soon.

We have the house now - so the house becomes the new box (what's in The House?), which I like!

But I still would have preferred the lid left on a little longer.
"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for somebodysomeday83 "I shall, will great anticipation!! :-)"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for seldom "okeydoke - watch this space"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for somebodysomeday83 "will u do another chapter? I'd love to read some more :)"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for somebodysomeday83 "lol, me too. I love it. It's so good to be able to talk to like-minded writers, and admire everyone's styles."
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for seldom "my real name is Often apparently. I'm officially obsessed with this site"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for seldom "lol lol just did. am deleting."
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for somebodysomeday83 "p.s check your messages :)"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for somebodysomeday83 "Nice to meet you too 'Seldom' :)"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for seldom "really happy you're enjoying it lol - I am too.

surprise you hmmm - will give it a try.

Nicetameetcha Danni :)
"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for somebodysomeday83 "Sorry, what I meant to say was 'suprise me'! You know you want to, lol. However, I typed the comment in too fast and then it wouldn't let me delete it! So I was basically scolding myself. Though, looking at it the post seems to have eventually been deleted, lol.

I'm Danni!! lol
"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for seldom "Who's Danni?"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for seldom "dont mind - either way is good. what should we have next? Like a flash-back to that house but still keeping a lot of info back? bringing in some other characters?"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for seldom "Thanks lol. :-)
the plot thickens to the consistency of tomato soup. ;-)
"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for somebodysomeday83 "I'm intrigued now... will you do a follow-up or shall I? The ball's in your court, I'd be happy to read more!"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for somebodysomeday83 "Wow! Love it! Intense - and brimming with supsense. Love your descriptions. Great stuff!!"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for seldom "hey I did it. Hope you like.

:-)
"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for seldom "I'm having to think hard about how to follow what you put lol.

How did you manage to post 4 comments like that btw?

feeling a bit sorry for Alice lol poor woman, whats she done to deserve all this? guess we'll find out soon
"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for somebodysomeday83 "Lol too intense right? All's good, I had fun with it :-) Are you going to add a new chapter?"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for seldom "lol so intense! I can't write like that - i'm more low key. wow"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for somebodysomeday83 "Thanks Seldom, I liked your intro and couldn't resist!"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for seldom "Excellent! Like where you're taking this"

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